Found nude photos under my lover’s bed

Dear Pastor,

I am 27 years old and I have one child. My boyfriend is 29 and he has three children with three different women. When I met him, I questioned him about that, but he said he was not ready to settle down but he wanted children, so he was just having a good time. He supports his children very well. I know that because he shows me proof. We have been friends for two years.

He has a good job, and so do I. He visits me and stays over sometimes because my daughter is living with my mother. He is very freaky; he got me doing things that I never did before.

One Saturday morning after we woke up, he left to go to the market, and when I got up I was making up the bed. I just happened to look under the mattress and I saw nude pictures of him and other women. I was so shocked. There were seven pictures. I did not know what to do. Who could have taken these pictures of him and these women? I put them back under the mattress. It did not take me any time to tear into him when he came back from the market. Instead of apologising to me, he told me he was a big man and he could do anything he wanted with any woman, and he didn't have to give me any reason for doing so. I could not believe that this was the same man I made love to almost nightly, and how he told me he was done running around and where he would like for us to live after we get married.

Pastor, some of these men are criminals. We were going to make breakfast, but I could not eat anything from him. I packed my little bag and left. He did not even say anything to me when I was leaving. I recognised one of the girls in the pictures as his co-worker. I wonder if she knows that he had a picture of both of them having sex? But something is bothering me. Does this man have a camera in his bedroom? I didn't think of that until after I left. I would like to go back to his room, but he does not even answer his phone whenever I call. Do you think I should report him? I feel that I have allowed this man to use me. One thing I am happy about is that I do not owe him anything. He has his job and I have mine, and I have never needed his money.

Y.B.

Dear Y.B.,

I don't believe that you have allowed this man to use you. Both of you were lovers and the affair that you had was sexual. You are disappointed in yourself because after seeing these photographs, you realised that the man you thought so highly of was a snake in the grass. He lied to you and now as you look back, you are a disappointed woman. You say that you left his house after he abused you. He had no apology to give you. He felt he didn't have any obligation to explain anything to you. But now that you have seen these photographs, you wonder if he has a camera in his bedroom, and you want to go back there to prove a point. I would not be surprised if your space has been taken by another girl already. If this man wanted you to stick around, he would not have cursed you, so you might as well put this man behind you and move on.

Pastor