I regret cheating on my first husband

Dear Pastor,

My husband and I have been married for five years. This is my second marriage. I had an affair during my first marriage so that relationship ended.

The man I am now married to was the one with whom I had the affair. I used to find it exciting to hide and cheat. My husband used to believe whatever I told him. I am a nurse so sometimes I used to tell him that I had to work. He never questioned me until I could not take it anymore and the man I cheated with said I should file for a divorce, which I did.

My husband pleaded with me not to divorce him, but the thought of losing my friend bothered me and my present husband was in a better position financially. So I divorced my husband and in six months, I married my present husband.

Sometimes I think that I have made a big mistake by divorcing my first husband. We did not have children together and now my present husband wants children and he has started to tell me that I was more exciting when I was cheating. I asked him if he has been seeing another woman that he likes and he said no.

Do you think that the age is making a difference now because I am more mature?

My husband used to go to school at nights, but now he is home on his computer all night and I have to beg him to come to bed. His real wife is his computer. I feel that my marriage to him was a mistake and it might not last. I miss my first husband. Sometimes I get very depressed. Please give me your advice.

K.L.

Dear K.L.,

It seems to me that because you cheated on your first husband, what you did is bothering you. It was exciting at that time to cheat on him with a younger man. You enjoyed the fact that while you were cheating, your husband was not aware of it and that was something that excited you. But after this younger man wanted to settle down with you and you agreed to divorce your husband and you got married, the reality hit you, and you ask yourself the question, 'what did I really do'? The situation you have found yourself in can't be changed at all. You will have to live with these regrets and prepare yourself for a brighter tomorrow. But anything is possible and your present husband will always see you as a cheater and a woman he can never fully trust, because if you cheated on your first husband, you may cheat on him also. I therefore suggest that you tell your husband how unhappy you feel and both of you should go and see a family counsellor.

Pastor