Boyfriend is too controlling

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you. I attempted to do so a few times but did not have the courage. I am 18 and I have a boyfriend who is 25.

He is very good to me but he tries to control every move I make. I was a very skinny girl but since this man and I have become friends I have put on weight and people have asked me how come I am looking so well. My mind is comfortable. I don't have to worry where I will get money to buy food. I have two sisters and one brother but my mother was never married and she had it very hard. When I met my boyfriend I told him I did not want a man because men did not treat my mother well and I didn't want anybody to treat me like how they treated my mother.

He told me that if I behaved myself he would take care of me. He was my second boyfriend. My first boyfriend took my virginity but the relationship didn't last because he got involved with one of my schoolmates. So I told him to choose who he wanted to be with and he chose her over me. This girl and I still talk. I still think of her as my friend. I don't blame her for taking him.

I would like to go to university and my boyfriend has promised to help me. I like architecture. I tried to obey him but I told him that he had to learn to trust me, but he said he just wanted to know where I was at all times. My mother told me I should try to hold on to this man and not do anything foolish. If he wants to know where I am and I am in the toilet, I should tell him. I am not doing anything out of order but sometimes I need a little space. My boyfriend has two children with two different woman. I told him that I did not want to become pregnant until we got married so he told me the name of the condoms I should buy. I bought them and whenever we are to meet, I have them, even if we don't have sex. I will be 19 in December and he wants to have a party for me and for us to spend a week in a hotel. My mother said I am a big woman and he is my man so she has no objection. This man is building a house on a piece of land his father gave him. He and his father get along very well and his father calls me daughter-in-law. Do you think this man will change?

A.P.

Dear A.P.,

I hope that this man will continue to treat you well. You say that he is too controlling. He wants to know where you are at all times. Don't be worried about that, he will learn to trust you. It's only a matter of time. He knows that there are some women who try to fool men all the time. In other words, they lie so much and say what they don't mean. You should be willing to tell him where you are going. If you tell him the truth he won't be suspicious of you. I hope that he will keep his word and try to help you to attend university. He has promised not to get you pregnant and has put the protection part of it in your hands. I wish both of you well and I hope that your love for each other will grow.

Pastor