My friend is taking away my husband

July 28, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I am 29 years old. I am losing my husband to one of my friends. She was having problems. She could not pay her rent, but she can do accounts, and so my husband had her working for him on Saturdays. Everything went on well, according to him, but he kept coming home late. When I asked him why he had to be out so late, he said that his accounts were in a very bad condition, so she had to stay and bring everything up to order.

I became suspicious of my husband and my friend, so one day I called her and asked her how many more weeks she would have to work with my husband. She was not pleased with what I asked her, so she told my husband that I did not want her to continue to work with him. He was very upset with me. However, judging by the way my husband reacted, he confirmed that something was going on between them. My husband's personal secretary told me that my friend does not only come to the office on Saturdays, she is there sometimes during weekdays, and that they often go out on lunch dates.

I found a receipt from my husband's credit card where he bought a gift for this woman that cost $51,000. Pastor, which man is going to spend $51,000 on a gift for a woman with whom he is not having sex? When I challenged my husband on this matter, he said $51,000 is nothing to spend on a woman who is helping him straighten out his business. I told him he should fire this woman, but she was still with him, so at nights I turn my back on him. Do you think that I doing something wrong?


Dear A.,

I do not know whether your husband and the young woman you consider your friend are having a sexual relationship. I cannot accuse him, but I know that you have a right to question why the woman and he have to be at the office working late every Saturday. Evidently, you have questioned his secretary and found out that this woman is at the office sometimes during the week and sometimes they go on lunch dates.

You have to be very careful about what his secretary says to you. She might not be speaking the truth, and maybe there are good reasons why the woman comes there during the week. I don't know, but it might not be what it appears to be.

Having said the above, let me quickly add that it is unfortunate that your friend complained to your husband that you asked her why she had to work so late on a Saturday. Woman to woman, she would understand how you feel and that you did not mean any harm. I would suggest that you tell your husband that you would like the both of you to make an appointment to see a family counsellor to discuss the problems the both of you are having. Do so to try to save your marriage.


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