Husband regrets marrying me

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you for the first time and I need your advice. I am a 40-year-old woman and I have a daughter. I got married two years ago to a man who is in his early 60s.

He is well respected and very active in his church. I was not a member of his church before we got married, but after his wife died and we became friends, I visited him on weekends and I assisted him in keeping his home clean. He had a helper, but she was lazy. People reported him to his pastor and told the pastor that my friend should not preach because he had a woman, so I stopped going to see him there. We agreed to get married in a private ceremony. His two sons and my daughter were at our little wedding. After we got married, I went to his house and I told my husband what he should get rid of. I told him that I did not want the old furniture in the house; instead I could bring my own furniture from my house. He said nothing was wrong with those furniture. He has pictures of his former wife on the wall and I told him to take them down, and he said no. One day he was not at home and I took all his late wife's pictures and packed them in a box. When he came home, he was furious. I also put a couch that he had in the living room outside and he was upset about that also. He called one of his sons and told him to take whatever he wanted from the house. But since I did these things and removed the woman's pictures and the couch, my husband does not relate to me in the same way as before. He told me recently that he regretted marrying me because I am trying to be a ruler and he does not want anybody to rule him. I feel so uncomfortable in this place. He did not even want to change the bed that he and his wife slept on. I would like you to tell me what I should do. Sometimes I think that I should go back to my house and leave this man alone. What do you suggest?

N.R.

Dear N.R.,

I believe that some of the things that you have done were unnecessary. Your husband wanted certain photographs of his former wife to remain on the wall, and although you did not particularly like them to be there, you should not have removed them without his permission. So you have created unnecessary problems for yourself. If you are wise you would have been able to lead this man in your way quietly, but instead, you appear to be bossy and you wanted him to do everything your way, upsetting the man. You are not a wise woman. This man must have been very upset to tell you that he regrets marrying you. He is not a fool. He knows that now that he is married, changes have to be made. But you are too radical. Use common sense and discuss everything with him before you make changes.

Pastor