My boyfriend and I have the same last name

Dear Pastor,

I greet you in the mighty, powerful name of our Lord and Saviour and I pray for your protection from this deadly virus. Pastor, I am a Christian and I have tried to keep to myself.

I am 30 years old and I have not run around with a lot of men. Only two men know about me. The first one was when I was 21 years old and I decided to try out this thing that they call sex. I did not even know that having sex for the first time I could have got pregnant and that was exactly what happened. When I did not see my period, it was the guy who told me that I was pregnant. I asked him how he knew that and he said because we had sex and he discharged in me. I told him that he should not have done so and he said that was not a crime. I had my baby but because I was not ready for a child, his mother agreed to take the baby and my mother told me that I should not hold on to the baby because they would take care of my daughter. I gave up the child but I am able to see her every week. The father and I broke up because he kept coming back for more sex and whenever I told him that we should get married, he said that he was not ready for marriage and I was not willing to have more sex with him. We broke up but my daughter loves him. I have another man in my life now and he wants us to get married. But he and I have the same last name. I discussed it with my father and we have been trying to trace our lineage and to see whether we are related, but we are not sure. I love this man but I don't know what to do. The only thing that is bothering me is his last name.

H.P.

Dear H.P.,

I know how concerned you are about having the same last name as this man who is interested in marrying you. You and your father have discussed the matter to ascertain whether you and this guy are related. I know some may say that DNA tests can help you because they go far back, but some people would not be satisfied with that. If you are not comfortable getting married to this man, then please do not do so because you would have to live with your decision. I cannot tell you to forget the way you feel and consent to marry this man. Others may disagree with me, but follow your conscience.

Pastor