Didn’t know my babyfather was married

Dear Pastor,

This is the second time I am writing you. You did not respond to my first letter. I am 25 years old and I am having a problem. I have two children and both of them are for a married man.

I did not know that this man was married when I first met him. He lied to me, but when I found out that he was married I was already eight months pregnant with the first child and even at that time he was denying that he was married. I had to get information from one of his friends and applied to the Registrar General's Department for a copy of his marriage certificate and I put it on the bed so that when he came home he could see it. That is the time he started to tell me how things were. He said his wife couldn't have children and that she went to Canada and that is why he became friendly with me. This man is 35 years old. I told him that I will have to leave him because he is bringing a curse on me because if I knew that he was married, I would not have had anything to do with him. He told me he was going to divorce his wife and marry me and all the argument would be at an end. I got pregnant for him again. I have never told my people that this is a married man but I am wondering whether I should really marry him because as I see it, he should have told me the truth. I don't doubt that his wife cannot have children but I did not want to get mixed up with a married man. Why did he not admit that he was married? After I asked him, he did not admit to it and I had to take the trouble to apply for his marriage certificate. It was his friend who gave me the woman's particulars and where the marriage took place and who was the marriage officer. Do you think I should agree now for him to divorce his wife and marry me? I don't know if they are in touch with each other but this woman has never called me and his wife's name is in the house we live in. So please give me your advice.

L.F.

Dear L.F.,

This man did not tell you the truth. He should not have deceived you. He was afraid that you would have said that you didn't want to be involved with him but that is a poor excuse. Remember now that both of you have two children and he does not have any children with his wife. I believe that he would indeed divorce her and if the house is also in his wife's name, something has to be done about that. So I would suggest that you speak to a lawyer who has experience in real estate who would be able to advise you. But under your situation, I believe that you should forgive him and move on.

Pastor