I am going to cut off his penis

Dear Pastor,

I am just 18 years old and I have a problem. I can't talk to my mother about it because she is very arrogant, and she would blame me, because I saw what happened to my elder sister.

When my sister was living here, she complained to my mother about my mother's boyfriend interfering with her. My mother called her a liar and told her that the man would never do such thing. My sister left and went to live with her boyfriend. It was after my sister left that my mother recognised how serious the matter was, because my sister wouldn't even come home to visit her, not even when she was ill.

I don't have a boyfriend, so I can't do what my sister did, but this man has been putting questions to me and it has been going on from I was 17 years old. I told him that if he doesn't leave me alone I am going to cut off his penis. I told my father what I am going through, but he doesn't have any place to put me. I am not going to say anything to my mother, but I have warned this man over and over not to make the mistake and try to rape me; and I am not leaving this house to go and live with a stranger.

S.W.

Dear S.W.,

I have been writing the Tell Me Pastor column for a long time and I can say that very few mothers believe their daughters when they complain that their stepfathers or their mothers' lovers are sexually abusing or harassing them. These mothers, most times, defend the man and blame the girls. On the occasions when they believe the girls, they will ask them to keep quiet, because the men are the ones that are putting food on the table.

Now, the man is trying to abuse you and is harassing you, and you have taken the position that it does not make sense telling your mother about it, but I disagree with you.

Your sister complained to your mother about this man and she did not do anything about it. Instead of defending your sister, your mother defended the man and insisted that he would not do anything that would be unbecoming to your sister, so your sister left the home. Whether or not she does something about it, you should tell her. You have told your father what you are facing, but tell your mother also. You should tell other family members, so that they will be aware of what you are going through. Perhaps they can talk to your mother about the situation to get this man out of the house.

Pastor