Boyfriend tied me up to have sex

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 years old and my boyfriend is also 23. Both of us are working. But because of the nature of our jobs, we don't get to spend a lot of time together.

I cannot get away from my job easily. I decided to call in sick and my boyfriend took a day off. I went to his house to spend the day with him and for us to have some fun. When I got there, my boyfriend had already cooked my favourite meal. He was all over me. We played and played and he said he was going to put me under bondage. I laughed because I didn't understand what he meant. He tied my hands behind my back and I was helpless. I couldn't get myself loose. After I realised that it was a waste of time, my boyfriend sat on the bed and rubbed me down using different ointments and I felt relaxed and fell asleep. I slept for about an hour. He did everything he wanted to do with me.

When I asked him why he tied me up, he said because he knew that I would give him a fight and he wanted us to do something unusual. He did not use the condom although we had a whole box of condoms. I told my best friend what I went through and she told me that her boyfriend tried to tie her up before having sex with her, but she fought him off. It was such a weird feeling to make love with a man while being tied up.

My boyfriend considered what he did as a joke. But, I told him that I will call the police if he tries that again. I climaxed but this is not real sex. I love this man so much, but since he had me in bondage, I can't think of him as one I can trust with my life. He is always asking me to spend some more time with him, but I told him that I am afraid of him. I know I am not pregnant because since we had sex, I have seen my period. But I feel that it is time for me to leave this man because I don't like what he did to me. I need your opinion.

C.N.

Dear C.N.,

Your boyfriend ought to have known that what he did was not right. He wanted both of you to experience something outside the norm, but you were ignorant of the fact that he wanted to tie you up and have his way with you. I think what you are trying to say is that you had bondage sex. That comes in many different forms, but at least, the couple should consent to it. You did not consent, but you allowed him to have his way with you. So he tied up your hands and your pleading did not make any difference. He could have lotioned you without tying you up. Whatever he did made you relax.

You trusted him at first, but now looking back, you would not allow him to do that again. He does not see that what he did was wrong. But, he was wrong to trick you to do what he wanted. You deserve an apology from him, but he might never give one. Now you know that he cannot be trusted. Perhaps the time will come when you will forgive him but I will not encourage you to go further in this relationship.

Pastor