I have the mother-in-law from hell

Dear Pastor,

I met a man who worked in the community that I live in. At first, when I saw him, I was not physically attracted to him, but I told myself that sometimes it is not who you want but who wants you. So, I overlooked his appearance and his educational level. We both expressed our desire to do the best for ourselves. He told me that he is from rural Jamaica, but he was in Kingston to better his life. But, sadly, it was not so, as this man is like the devil from hell. He has no ambition and all he brings to me is shame and disgrace. I regret knowing him and some of his family members.

Let me start with his mother; this woman is a witch. I should have known that this woman was out for trouble. When her son approached her about us getting married, she reminded him that he has a mother. Tell me now, Pastor, what does getting married to me have to do with the relationship between his mother and himself? That was a red flag that I ignored, but later I regretted it.

This woman says her children must support her. She is not an old woman, neither is she disabled. This woman encourages her son to have women outside of the marriage. She sets up other women to have affairs with him. They try to make me look like a bad person and to make my life a living hell. I am tired of the abuse from this man and his mother. His mother has messed up my life and marriage. She has taken her son away from his children who are very young and they need him.

This woman is married and she goes to church. She says that she is serving God. Her older daughter-in-law does not speak to her because of her intentions towards her marriage also. How does this woman sleep at night? Only God can tell. But this I know for sure, that whatever one sows, one will reap. So, one day she will pay the price for her evil deeds.

A.B.

Dear A.B.,

The relationship with this man did not start out right. You did not love him and he did not love you. But, both of you decided to have a relationship because it was convenient to do so. You said that he was not a handsome man and he did not have any education, but you overlooked those things because perhaps you felt that you could work together. That was a big mistake. No relationship can work without love. On the other hand, love cannot be the only criterion because love alone cannot go to the supermarket or pay bills. If a couple doesn't love each other, the relationship is bound to fail, and that is exactly why yours has failed.

Your mother-in-law has not kept out of your relationship, so she has made life very difficult for you. She doesn't love you or respect you. You probably married this man because you felt you were getting old and you needed a man in your life. You probably would've been better off remaining single and living a very quiet life. You have made mistakes. After becoming intimate with this man, you saw the kind of relationship he has with his mother and that he was not ambitious. You should have walked away. You should not have married him.

This man will not change. He and his mother have messed up your life. You did not say whether you are employed. I think for your own sanity, you need to get yourself a job.

I am not suggesting that you leave your husband. If this man has other women he will not be able to support your house well, so you go out and get a job and help maintain the house and support your children. If you are fortunate to get a job, write back to me in six months and tell me how things are going. If you can't get a job, organise something for yourself, including a little 'buying and selling'.

Pastor