Mom doesn’t like my dark-skinned husband

Dear Pastor

I am a young 31-year-old woman and I want to share something with you. I come from a situation that is very strange.

My father always dated dark-skinned girls, but he did not marry any of them. He married my mother who can pass for white, but she is not white. I have always dated black guys.

I prefer black guys over white guys. When I was in university in America, most of the guys I dated were white or half-white. When my parents visited me while I was in university, we used to joke about the guys I was dating.

After I graduated from university, I was forced to marry a guy who I did not like very much. But that marriage did not work, so I got a divorce. After my divorce, I dated a tall, handsome, black guy and he got me pregnant. My father loves my daughter. But my mother wishes that I had married someone of a lighter complexion. Wherever my father goes, he likes to take our daughter. My husband has sensed that my mother doesn't like him. So when we are in Jamaica, we stay in a hotel. There is something about a black man that a white man does not seem to have. But I would not say what.

My father has helped my husband and I to buy an apartment in Miami. He and my husband get along so well. They play golf together. My mother says she can see lots of my father in me. I am trying not to get pregnant again, but my husband wants me to get pregnant. My mother-in-law told me, "Don't just listen to your husband. Don't get pregnant because he wants you to get pregnant. It is your body and you should know what you want." I wish I had got married to this man earlier. My father is encouraging me to have more children.

I am my parents' only child. So, my family is very small. Our daughter is five years old.

S.R.

Dear S.R.,

I think what you are trying to say is that your mother is prejudiced, but your father has learned to accept everybody regardless of skin colour.

Your father seems to have had a good time with dark-skinned girls, but chose to marry a woman of light complexion. I hope he did so because he loved your mother more than the other girls he used to date. Your mother has caused your husband not to think highly of her. Your husband is your mother's son-in-law and she should be happy that you married a man who you love with all your heart.

You are only 31 years old. You have an education. You probably love your freedom so much that you find it difficult to want to get pregnant again. But, you should seriously consider it. Would you not consider having two more children? That would make your husband and your father very happy.

Pastor