My husband got another woman pregnant

Dear Pastor,

Greetings in Jesus' name. I am a regular reader of your column. I am married and have four children. My married life was not going well, so my husband and I separated.

Although I am married, I have had to fight life on my own. My husband has a car, but he hardly allows me to drive it; and if I want him to take me somewhere, he would demand that I buy gas for it. However, my relatives think that he is such a wonderful man. He appears to be quiet and whenever I complain about his behaviour, they say that they do not believe me. This man does not buy me anything, whether it is for my birthday or Christmas. We don't have our own home. We are still renting and that does not bother him. He says that it is not everybody who can afford a home. I used to wonder what my husband did with his money, until I found out that he had a side chick and she is now pregnant, so she is getting some of his money. When I asked him what is wrong with me and why he had to go to another woman, he said that a man cannot eat the same meal or from the same pot every day. I have filed for a divorce and my relatives, who are church people, are telling me that if we were to get divorced, I would have to remain single because it is wrong to divorce and remarry. My husband says that I should do what I want to do. He is not begging me to stay. Please give me your advice.

L.

Dear L.,

Your husband has deceived your relatives. He is behaving as if he is the perfect husband. You told them how he operates, but they do not believe you. I am sure you have heard the term 'see me and come live with me are two different thing'. You know what you are going through. The man has not supported your home well, and now he has another woman and home to support. So I believe that things are going to be more difficult. You must make up your own mind about what you want to do. Your husband is mean to you. The question is, is he mean to the other woman? It is unlikely that she would stay with him. Perhaps you need to see a lawyer as soon as possible. Some churches do teach that even after a person is divorced, he or she should not remarry until their former spouse has died. Make an appointment with a family counsellor and speak to him or her about that.

Pastor