Pregnant for an old man

Dear Pastor,

The reason why I am writing to you is to seek your advice. I am a regular reader of your column. I had a child when I was very young. The man who got me pregnant abandoned me, and my parents said I could not stay in the house because it was not convenient. They did not like the guy who got me pregnant. I didn't have a choice but to start another relationship. But this time it was with an older man. His daughter was living with him and she had three children. His common-law wife used to spend six months in Jamaica and six months in the USA.

He told his daughter that he could not leave me to suffer, so she should accept me as a sister and not give me trouble. He was a farmer. So, we always had ground provision. He gave me money to buy chicken and fish and so on. His daughter was always grumbling that the gas was being used up because two of us were cooking. She told me that we should just cook one pot and I agreed. But when I told her father, he said that means she would want money from him, and she has her children's father, and so he is not in favour of that. He told her I should cook for myself

One day I was home and he brought a two-burner stove and told me I should not use anything for his daughter. He even bought me cups, knives, forks and plates. I was very happy. His daughter didn't have to complain about the gas being used up because I had my own cylinder. I couldn't cook very well, but I learned. I told the man the truth and he went out the first Sunday I was there and bought chicken.

His daughter's children's father liked me and offered me money. I told him I didn't want his money. He called me a fool and said I am with an old man. I did not know that the man would approach him and his daughter and warn him to leave me alone or leave his house. They threatened me when he was not around and I got scared.

One day I asked him if he would allow me to look for another place to live because his daughter doesn't want me there. He said no way. He told his daughter's boyfriend that he should leave and he can take his daughter with him, but I am not going anywhere. The children's father left the house, but he would come to the house when the man was not there. His daughter gave me a hard time. She told lies on me, but her father did not believe her.

When his woman came from abroad, he sat me down with her and told her everything. The only thing he did not talk the truth about is our going to bed. When she asked him if he went to bed with me, he said no, and he swore on the Bible that he never did that. She asked me if it was true and I told her that we have never had sex. She was a church woman. So, I started to go to church with her. I found out that she and the daughter, who was living at the house, did not get along, so she couldn't tell her anything bad about me. I behaved myself while she was in Jamaica. She also taught me how to cook oxtail and 'run down' and other things. She paid me to wash her clothes and also for washing the man's clothes.

I got closer and closer to this man. Now, I am in trouble because he got me pregnant. I should tell you that his daughter moved out with her children and is living in another district. When I became pregnant, that's the time he told me that he is not married to this woman. So, I didn't need to be afraid of her putting me out.

I don't have anywhere to go and I am pregnant. My stomach is showing. My mother comes to the house to see me, but she doesn't know that it is the old man who got me pregnant. She thinks it's a young fellow who comes to the house. I gave her that impression.

Pastor, I don't know what to do. Please, give me your advice.

Initials Withheld

Dear Writer,

You have been very unfortunate. You became sexually active very early and you got pregnant. The man who impregnated you did not support you. He left you in the cold, so to speak. So, I can see why you were so glad to have an intimate relationship with this much older man. He should have known that his daughter wasn't going to accept you. She saw you as a little girl who did not know your place and was out to make trouble in her father's home.

This man tried to play a game, but the game did not work very well. He pretended that he was only assisting you and his common-law wife believed him. You did not even protect yourself when you were going to bed with this man. Neither did he protect you. And his daughter wanted you out. But eventually he got her boyfriend and herself to go on their own.

His common-law wife is naive. He convinced her that he was not going to bed with you. How could she think that you were not doing so when both of you were living together? But now you are pregnant by him and he is trying to tell you that this woman doesn't have a voice because they are not married. Well, don't listen to his nonsense. She has a big voice. They have been living together for over five years, so he cannot run her out without compensating her. If he doesn't want her, he has to give her what is duly hers. What he is trying to tell you is that you need not fear. She may have to go and leave you.

I suggest that whenever this lady asks you who got you pregnant, you should tell her the truth. Let your mother know also that you were not impregnated by the young man that she knows. You were impregnated by this old man and tell her the absolute truth about everything. She is older and mature and she might be able to advise you what to do.

Pastor