Looking for a nice country lady

Dear Pastor,

May the Lord bless you. Please help me find a nice lady from rural Jamaica, a parish like St Ann or Clarendon. I am from St Ann. This lady should be between 60 and 69 years old. She must be a person who I can reason with and has to be loving. She should love to cook and she should be very clean. She must be able to bake pudding and she must be sexy. And she should be church-minded. This woman should also be employed. If she is not working, she should do some buying and selling of things like clothes in the market.

I am a sickly person. I broke my right leg while I was painting a house. I can't work again, so I do my gardening and sell my crops in the market. My children who are in the United States of America help me. I am a single man. The woman who I had in my life died in 2014. She was 65 years old.

Anyone who is interested can contact me. She could be a very good friend to me or visit me. I am alone in my house. My daughters will take care of that person.

P.W.

Dear P.W.,

You are not a very healthy man and the truth is that you cannot support a woman. You are relying on your daughters to support any woman who will be interested in you. You want a helper who would also facilitate you with sex. Well, you know what you want and if anybody is willing to be your partner, I will let you know.

Pastor