SILLY MISTAKE - Mom paying hefty price for cheating on dad with one of his friends

Dear Pastor,

I am 28 and I have three children. Their father and I had a serious dispute and we separated. He accused me of having an affair with a police officer, but it was not true.

This [police] man and I were in high school together, and we have always been very good friends. We have never gone to bed, though occasionally he hinted that he would love that. I always chased him away and we laughed over it.

One day my children's father asked me about him and I told him we were just good friends and he said that people told him that we are more than that. I told him he could believe what he wanted, but I was telling the truth. Another time my boyfriend was trying to reach me on my cell phone, but there was no signal where I was so I did not get the calls. When I realised that he was trying to reach me, I immediately called him. He was very angry. When he got home, he threatened to beat me up. I told him that I was not afraid of him. When he saw that I stood up to him, he told me that now he really believed that I had a man because I had changed.

I didn't wait for him to tell me that I should leave. I told him I was leaving because I could not take any more of his foolishness. When he left for work, I packed my things and left. I went to my parents' home. He has tried many times to have me back, but I am not going back to him, and neither am I going to have a relationship with my good friend. He can't be satisfied with one woman.

Now the reason I am writing to you is that since I have been home, my mother and I have been talking. My mother told me how my father took her virginity when she was 16, and that since he left her and went abroad, it has been very difficult for her. She got involved with one of his friends and my father heard about it. So, he divorced her and she has lost plenty of weight. The man my mother slept with has never been able to support her. She told him not to come around. My mother has begged me to talk to my father about them getting back together. I spoke to my father and I asked him if he has any woman in America. He said he has girlfriends but they can't be trusted. He also said that some of them help him financially. He said he cannot come back to my mother because she might cheat on him again. I don't believe that my mother would do that. She has learnt her lesson.

My parents built the house that we are living in, but it was built on a piece of land that my father's parents own. I have a brother and he helps to support my mother. My father sends money for her occasionally. I would love to see my parents back together again. What can I do?

B.K.

Dear B.K

I am glad that you are having a good relationship with your mother. She made a great mistake when she got involved with another man.

Your father is unforgiving. I will continue to say that long-distance relationships can be very hard and often a spouse will get in trouble by going with someone else. So that was the situation with your parents. Concerning your children's father and yourself, he accuses you of being involved with a policeman. You knew that that was not true. Your boyfriend had no proof that you were cheating on him and he should have accepted your word until he saw proof. You are correct in leaving him because he could have hurt you physically. I believe you are speaking the truth. If you love the policeman, make sure you love him from a distance. Appreciate him but protect yourself by not getting physical with him.

Back to your father and mother. Your father is not showing any interest in getting back with your mother. If that is to happen, it would not be right now. But continue to encourage your mother and assure your father that right now she is not involved with another man. You cannot tell what will happen in the future.

Pastor