Cheated with a man who can ‘barely’ read - ... Now I am pregnant

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 and my boyfriend is 25. I used to be faithful to him, but since I am not working, and since he has not been sending me money from abroad as often as before, I have been involved with another man.

He can barely read. So whatever he asks me to do for him, I do. He lives with his children's mother. I know the woman, but she doesn't know that this man and I are having sex. Sometimes I wonder what he gives to her, because whatever I ask him for, I get. I owed a store for a bed and he gave me the money to pay it off. He is 55.

One day, my boyfriend asked me on the phone if I was behaving, and I told him yes. He said he was hoping that I would behave myself until life changes for him. I told him that I would never be unfaithful to him. While he was talking to me, the other guy was by my side, and he was listening and laughing at him. I told this man I did not like that, but that very night he and I had sex before he left.

I have missed my period and I told this man what is going on. He said that he is hoping that I am pregnant. If I am pregnant, he thinks that we can get married right away. But this is not what I wanted. I can't find myself marrying a man who can barely read, and I don't know how I will tell my boyfriend that another man got me pregnant. Sometimes when I look into my life, I cry. I cannot discuss my problems with my siblings or my mother because they all love my boyfriend.

GIVE THE BABY AWAY

I believe I know when this man got me pregnant. It was on my birthday. We ordered food and I had wine, and that night after talking to my boyfriend, I told him I had to go to bed. I was half-drunk and this man spent the night with me. When I woke up, I realised that he had sex with me. We did not use any protection. I feel foolish. I told my boyfriend that I am hoping that he will get a job soon and send me money because I am in need. I would like to hear from you, and I am still hoping that I am not pregnant. If I am pregnant, I will not tell my boyfriend. I will give the baby to my oldest sister, who is married but is unable to have children.

P.L.

Dear P.L.,

You did not say how long your boyfriend has been away. But even if you had said it, it would not be an excuse for you to be having sex with another man.

You lost your job and are unable to pay your bills. But you should do everything possible to get another job. You could even do a little buying and selling to keep you going until you can get another job.

This man who you say can barely read is doing his best to take care of you. It means that he has not been able to take care of his children very well. You have been getting a part of what they should be getting, and that is unfair to his children. You believe that you might be pregnant. You should go to the doctor to confirm that. Why would this 55-year-old man be willing to marry you? I think I know why. Maybe you are younger than his children's mother and better-looking. But please understand that he will never fully trust you, because he may think that if you were unfaithful to your boyfriend, then you may be unfaithful to him. If you are pregnant, you are planning to have the baby and give it to your sister. You will have to face the embarrassment and tell your boyfriend that you got pregnant. So, as soon as you know what your true situation is, inform your boyfriend. Please end the relationship with this man who you say can barely read.

Pastor