MY BOYFRIEND IS TWICE MY AGE - Mom thinks he’s too old for me

Dear Pastor,

I am preparing to celebrate my 24th birthday. I am also looking forward to graduating from university. I started to attend university with the help of my friend, who is twice my age.

A better man I couldn't have had. He has helped me all the way. But my parents didn't like him. When we started to talk, they told me that he should look for a woman in his age group.

One day, he came to the house and my mother did not show him any good face. When he said hello to her, she said: "Why don't you leave this little girl alone?" He said: "Which little girl are you talking about?" She said: "My daughter. Don't you see that you are too old for her?" He said: "Why don't you ask her? She is right here." I was so embarrassed. I told him we should go, so I grabbed my bag and left the home and did not return until the following day. My mother was trying to reach me but I did not answer my cell phone.

My mother became ill and had to do an operation. Neither she nor my father had any money. Nobody in the family was able to help. I had to turn to my boyfriend and he gave me more than half of the money to give to the doctor. He has three children with two different women. But since we have been going together, he broke up with these women, but he supports his children. Every day he asks me if I will be faithful to him. I don't think that there is anyone who I have seen that can cause me to leave this man. He did not just give me money to attend university; when I had problems with my subjects, he assisted me because he is also a university graduate.

I am fortunate that he didn't get me pregnant because we used the condom most times, but there are times we didn't and he used his skill to withdraw. I told my parents that we are planning to get married soon. My father said that we might as well do so. He has promised to give us a ram for the reception. My mother did not have anything to say when I told her. Do you see anything wrong with the man's age? Is he too old to marry me? Please, Pastor, I will not be offended if you tell me the truth.

S.W.

Dear S.W.,

Your mother thought that you were too young to be in a relationship with a man who is twice your age. She did not try to show you why she believed that he was too old for you.

When he came to your house, she had the wrong approach. You know that you love this man and that he has been a very good help to you. He has helped you in every way and he has also been supportive and assisted you in your college work.

You wouldn't want to be ungrateful to this man. He had other women, but he left them to be with you. Your mother has received help from him. He paid her bill for surgery. He didn't have to do that. She is silent now but she has not apologised to him for her behaviour. Your father is wiser than your mother. At least he has seen that there is no reason for fighting the relationship. So now he has embraced this man as his son-in-law. This man and you have been together for a long time, so the question about his age should not be considered at this stage of the relationship.

I hope you will remain faithful to him even when he gets old and is unable to do some of the things that you would want. I want to encourage you to try and get some more education. You have not said what work this man does. If he has not yet bought a home, encourage him to do so. As a young girl, try not to be in the 'bling bling' business. You can put yourself together well without wasting your money by purchasing some of the things that some young girls like to buy.

Pastor