MY GIRLFRIEND IS A LIAR - She makes it hard for me to trust her

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you from the USA. I am Jamaican by birth but I have been living here for the past seven years. I came to America to better myself.

Many of my relatives were here. They put me up for a while and then they got tired of me. I was pushed out. I met a young lady and we decided to have a relationship.

Pastor, she had baggage. She had two children and a man in Jamaica, and she did not tell me about them when we got involved. I didn't have any girlfriend in Jamaica. After I heard about the children and the man in Jamaica, I decided to break up with her, but we talked it over and decided to stay together. She said that she did not want to go back to him. This man kept calling her and begging her to come home. She couldn't hide the situation anymore, so she put the phone on speaker and I heard everything that he was saying.

One night, he called and asked her what she was doing and she said she was making love with her boyfriend. He asked her to put her boyfriend on the line, but I did not say a word. I put myself in that man's shoes and I wondered how I would have reacted. My love for this woman is not as strong as it used to be. She is a good liar.

Pastor, I don't have children. I would love to have a couple of children and to settle down, but I cannot settle down with this woman. I don't know what to do. She has spoiled up her visa but she wants us to get married. Would you suggest that I marry this woman? I can't accuse her of having any man here with me, and she tries to keep the house tidy. Plus, she is a good cook. But she deceived me by not telling me that she had two children and a man in Jamaica.

We have a bank account together. My folks told me to run her out of my life. I am not sure that I want to do that, but I don't trust her.

Give me your advice.

N.

Dear N.,

This woman made a fundamental mistake. She did not speak the truth from the very beginning. She should have told you that she has two children and she was still having a relationship with their father. You have not said why she overstayed her time in the US.

You were living with your relatives, but, as you know, living with relatives in North America doesn't last forever. They pushed you out because they felt it was time for you to go on your own. So, when you met this woman and you became intimate, she should have told you the truth.

As I read your letter, I found myself having deep sympathy for her. She thought, when she met you, she had got a good catch. Perhaps you are. But who wants to be with a woman who does not speak the truth? She would not want you to lie to her. I believe that one of the reasons she did not tell you the truth is that you would not want to establish a relationship with her. Now you are questioning whether you should stay with her.

Would you consider that this woman has good qualities? She takes good care of you and she takes good care of the home that you share. Many men living in America with women complain that some of these women are not tidy. But this woman keeps the home tidy and she is a good cook. Every Jamaican man wants a woman who can cook. To your knowledge, you are the only man in her life in America. Would you really want to throw such a woman out of your house?

I am assuming that you have permanent status in America and she is hoping that you will marry her so that she, too, can get a green card. You say you don't love her as before. I am sure that that is a result of her not speaking the truth. Wouldn't it be wonderful if you could find grace to forgive this woman, if you are convinced that the relationship with the children's father is over and that she would be loyal to you only? Think about it my friend, please. Consider giving her another chance. I suggest that both of you go to see a family counsellor.

Pastor