THIS MAN TREATS ME LIKE CRAP - But I need him to keep paying my rent

Dear Pastor,

I am in my 20s and I work in a beauty parlour. I met a man who came there to visit one of his friends.

He said that when he saw me, something moved inside of him and he knew right away that it was love at first sight. We talked daily. He said he did not have a steady girlfriend and he was seeking one. One Sunday, I went to visit him and I saw signs that a female was living there. I know women always hide things under the mattress, so when he was not paying any attention, I lifted up the mattress and I saw a nighty. I felt uncomfortable. He also had two rags in the bathroom, so I knew he could not be using them both. He wanted us to have sex but I wasn't comfortable, so I told him next time. This man is 35.

When I went home that evening, I called him and told him that I saw a woman's nighty under the mattress and her rag in the bathroom. He cursed me and said that he doesn't love women who like to search. He said that if I was going to search his house, he didn't want me back there. I was behind on my rent and he had promised to take care of it for the month, so I humbled myself and told him that I was sorry. Two days later, I called him again and asked him if he forgave me and I reminded him that he promised to pay my rent. He said he would do it just once for me, but I should come and be prepared to stay over. I knew what that meant, so I prepared for it. Even before we went to bed, he handed me an envelope with the $25,000 I needed for the rent. When it came to the sex, he was wicked to me. I cried and bore the pain.

This man has called me many times, but I know he is not my type. I am dating a younger man, but I am still having financial problems because this younger man doesn't have much to offer. Sex is always on his mind. The parlour is not giving me enough to live on. I don't know what to do because I like this young fellow. The older man has a good job and he can afford to support me, but I am afraid of him. Please give me your advice.

K.T.

Dear K.T.,

This older man told you that he didn't have a steady girlfriend. He did not say that he didn't have any female visitors. He had girlfriends but he had no special commitment to any of them. One of these girls left her rag in the bathroom and another hid her nighty under the mattress. Perhaps he was not even aware that the nighty was there. On the other hand, he could have put it there to hide it from you. You saw the nighty because you wanted to find out whether a woman was sleeping there with him.

He felt that you were overstepping your bounds by searching for signs of another woman. He was angry because as he said, he does not like women who search. You may go further by searching his cell phone.

You had to eat humble pie by calling him and begging him pardon because you didn't have any money and you wanted to pay your rent, which he agreed to do. This man was rough on you in bed. He literally punished you, but you bore the punishment because you wanted the rent money.

I hope that you will continue to work hard and that you will go back to school and work on your career. You may have to consider moving into a cheaper place. You do not want to be in a position that you have to seek help from men every month to help you pay your rent.

The young man who is interested in you would be a better man to have as I see it, but he is not financially able to help you. But perhaps both of you can work together. If he finds that you are a burden to him, he will take time and pull out of the relationship because you would have nothing to bring to the table, so to speak. Learn to empower yourself.

Pastor