I had a child for my sister’s brother-in-law - Now he wants to marry me

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column. I am a young woman who has two children with two different men. I am ashamed to tell you that my last child's father was my sister's brother-in-law. Our relationship has caused a rift in my family. My sister and I were very close. But when I got pregnant for her brother-in-law, she called me nasty and she even got my mother to turn against me. He is based in America. This man and I were always good friends and the friendship started long before my sister married his brother. He would send things for me and, whenever he was coming to Jamaica, he would inform me and we would go out.

After his brother got married to my sister, our friendship continued. I tried to tell him that we would have to cut out the sex. He agreed but then he changed his mind. One day he came to Jamaica to spend three days to do business and was going back. I went to the hotel, went up to his room, and then it happened. He did not have any condoms, so I got pregnant. I told him that I would abort the pregnancy, but he said no, having a child by him is not a crime. He spoke to his brother about it and his brother encouraged me to carry the baby to term. His brother did not hold that against me. But my sister has held it against me.

This man with whom I have had a child has divorced his wife and is now asking me to marry him. I don't know how you feel about it, but his brother told me that I should marry him and get out of Jamaica. Of late, my sister is talking to me and she is even buying clothes for my child. My brother-in-law tells me that he is 'working' on her. But I would like to hear from you. Please tell me how you see this problem.

D.H.

Dear D.H.,

I understand why this would cause a fuss in the family. In fact, it has brought a rift between you and your sister. Your sister felt that you should have found another man to be your lover and she did not believe that it was proper for two sisters to have children by two brothers.

You and this man were careless. Some girls can become pregnant easily and you have experienced that. Both of you had unprotected sex and you got pregnant and he insisted that you carry the pregnancy. Your sister's husband has been encouraging you and giving you moral support. Now the man wants to marry you. I think you should accept his proposal and marry him. I know some people will not agree with me but that is how I see it.

Pastor