Teen daughter says my man looks at her ‘funny’ - I don’t know him to be that kind of person

Dear Pastor,

I am a 40-year-old woman and I am with a man who is 50. This man is very cooperative and helpful. I have two children, but their father and I broke up.

One of my daughters complained that this man is always looking at her in a very suggestive manner. I asked him if that was true and he asked me what suggestive meant. She said he has never touched her. I told her that whenever he is around, she should stay in her room.

This man has his own place, but he spends lots of time with me at my place. My daughter who is complaining about him is 16 years old and I wouldn't want to know that this man has his eyes on her. I don't know him to be that type of person. My daughter is fat and she looks older than her age. He has a daughter who is the same age as mine and he wouldn't want any man to fool around her. I know that for sure because I listen to the way he talks.

My daughter has boyfriends. She talks about boys all the time. When I say boyfriends, I don't mean that she is having sex. She talks about the guys she likes, those with muscles and lovely bodies and so on. Pastor, you know how girls talk.

This man I am having a relationship with doesn't need to fool around my daughter because I am giving him whatever he wants. Believe me, I know what a man wants when it comes to the bedroom. I don't want to stop him from coming here, but I do not want to ignore what my daughter says. I have a younger daughter but she has never complained to me about him.

This man has helped me a lot but at the same time, I have to protect my daughter. I don't want my daughter to be disrespectful to him, so kindly give me your advice.

A.L.

Dear A.L.,

You are a wise woman. You ought not to ignore what your daughter has told you but at the same time, you should not accuse the man of doing something that he is not guilty of.

Evidently you have had straight-forward conversations with your daughters. You ought to continue doing so and you should keep your eyes wide open and your ears attentive to what they tell you. But unless you have proof that this man is, indeed, giving the impression that he wants to molest your daughter, you should not end the relationship with him. Nevertheless, if you have the slightest inclination, you should end the relationship with him. It is better to lose him than to destroy the mother-daughter relationship you have with your girls.

Pastor