Husband’s side chick won’t leave him - She can’t accept that he married me and not her

Dear Pastor,

I am 28 and I got married four years ago. The man I married had a relationship with a woman who I knew very well. This man was dating and having sex with both of us.

We even did a threesome. He didn't hide anything from us about his sex life. I wasn't sure who he would propose to. All I knew was he loved us and if we needed money, he gave it to us.

One thing he would not allow is for any of us to keep another man. I never did. He was paying our rent. He was making big money and he is the only child for his parents. His father died leaving him a fortune. His mother sees him as the apple of her eye. She knew me but he told me that she did not know the other girl.

complained to his mother

This other girl is older than I am. He is 40. His mother bought a house in America and decided to migrate because her sister is living there and she wanted to be close to them. She was always encouraging her to leave Jamaica so that she and her children can take care of her. She told her son that he should get married. She wanted to see that happen before leaving.

I agreed to marry him but under the condition that he had to end the love affair with the other girl. He told me frankly that he would not. After thinking about what I was going to lose, I told him that he should promise me that he will only see her once per week and he should encourage her to find another man. This girl decided to make a stink about that and complained to his mother. His mother told her that she didn't know anything about her, but she knew me.

We got married, but this girl calls him day and night even after midnight. She tells him that he should come over to see her. I am trying to fight back and tell him that he is married and he should not do what he used to do before. I am not getting anywhere. He told me everything is going to work out. Sometimes I feel scared that I may lose him. I told him to give her some money and to call it a day.

I called her recently and asked her what she wanted so that she could end the relationship with my husband. She said she doesn't want it to end. So, I don't know what to do. Would you give me your advice, please? I thought that marrying him would stop the woman from wanting him, but that has not worked.

J.M.

Dear J.M.,

This man told you that he was not prepared to leave the other woman even if both of you got married. So, it was not a matter that you didn't know what might happen before you got married to him. This episode can end but your husband has to play a major role. He can decide that he will no longer continue with this other woman. He can stop giving her money and supporting her. But it seems to me that he loves to have two women in his life.

He has never hidden the fact that he has two women and both of you knew about each other. Both of you even engaged in a threesome. The other woman is disappointed that he did not choose her and that is why she complained to his mother. What she doesn't realise is that his mother could only sympathise with her. But she could not tell her son to leave you and to be totally involved with her.

This is not an easy matter to deal with. You do not want to lose your husband. You know that one thing you should not do is to become involved with another man. So, my suggestion is that you remain faithful to him. Perhaps you should try to protect yourself. I also believe that you should encourage your husband for both of you to go and discuss this problem with a psychologist. He or she may suggest that the other woman be involved in the sessions to see how this problem can come to an amicable settlement.

Pastor