Think my girlfriend is back with her babyfather - Neighbours say he’s at my house for hours

Dear Pastor,

I am 30 years old and I am in love with a woman who is 26. She has one child, but I am not the father. I took her when the child was one year old.

She told me that the she and the father had broken up. But I have come to realise that she and the guy are back together and are having a relationship. I asked her about it and she says I should be a big man and not listen to what the neighbours say. She said that she is only talking to the man because of the child that they have together.

We are living in an apartment and the complex is small. Many people in the complex know me and a couple of the tenants told me that this guy would come and spend several hours there. I have never caught him there. She and I had a little falling out because I told her that the man should not come to the house, because I am paying the rent. She told me that the man has to see his child, so she is not going to stop him from doing that. I told her that she could take the child to see him or let the child spend time with the man's mother and he could see her there. She says that it is jealousy why I am saying that the man should not come to visit his child.

I do believe that she is having an affair with her child's father. I thought that I would adopt this child, but I changed my mind because if she is having an affair with the father of the child; adopting the child will not prevent her from doing so. I work very hard and there is nothing that I would not give to this child. If this man comes to see his daughter, why does he have to be at my house? Why can't he take her for ice cream or whatever and drop her back home? Why does he have to be there for many hours? I don't know how you will see it, Pastor. I love this woman, but I have lost trust in her. Please offer me some advice.

R.D.

Dear R.D.,

Neighbours have told you that this man is always coming to your house while you are not there. Your woman has told you that he comes to the house only to visit his daughter and he has a right to see his daughter. Yes, he has a right to see his daughter, but why does he have to visit your house when you are not there? You have never seen this man. Why does he have to be in your house for many hours?

I would like to believe that this woman might not be having an affair with him. But she knows that you do not want him at your place when you are not there and she knows when you would be home. She knows that very well. Therefore, she should inform the father of the little girl about the time that he should visit and take his child away for a couple of hours and bring her back. I do not believe that this woman respects you. It is time for you to put your foot down and let her know that if she will not comply with what you say, the relationship will have to come to an end.

Pastor