I am a 40-year-old virgin - But this man is showing interest in me

Dear Pastor,

I would like your advice. I am 40 years old and I have my own home. I have never had children, but I have raised two nieces and both of them are at university. We are Christians.

I have never had sexual intercourse. I don't say it to people because I know they would laugh at me, but that is the truth. I have had male visitors to my house, but I have never allowed them into my bedroom. My nieces have male visitors, but not many.

The reason why I am writing to you is that at 40, I feel the need for a male companion and I have been talking to a man who is very much interested in me. He has been married, but is now divorced. I have never invited him to my house. He is a sharp-looking guy. He has fathered two children, but they live with their mother. He also left the house that he and his children's mother bought. So he is starting over.

I am getting to like him. Whenever he talks to me about sex, I usually tell him that the time will come when we would talk about that, but not now. I am scared, because I do not know how it would feel to be with a man. As I said, I have never invited him to my house, and he has asked me many times when I am going to have him come over. Most of our conversations take place on the phone. I don't know how we can continue this way. So what are your suggestions?

L.B.

Dear L.B.,

If you have been talking to this man for a few months and you like him, you should not try to keep him at a distance all the time. I am not saying that you should throw yourself at him, but you have to make up your mind that you will plan a time for both of you to meet and to go out together. You can discuss with him where he would like both of you to go out on a date. I would suggest a very beautiful place, such as a lovely restaurant to have dinner and get to know each other better.

Both of you can also go to a special concert, and make sure he takes you home and you do not invite him in for a night cap. If you play this right, this man would know that you are not a pushover. Even when the matter of sex is mentioned, you can tell him that you have never engaged in such an activity and you will not do so unless you are married. He will not laugh at you; he will respect you. Don't chase this man away. Let the relationship grow until you are fully convinced that he is your man and you are his woman.

Pastor