Left my older boyfriend for a ‘bruk pocket’ boy - He cannot support me and always wants sex

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 and I have a boyfriend who is 25. Before I knew he was serious about me, I was involved with a man twice my age. This man gave me money which I used to do my nails and my hair.

So when I met this guy and he asked me if I had a boyfriend, I told him yes. He told me to stop talking to the older guy. I told him that I couldn't because he was helping me. He told me that he would do more for me. I told him that I would give him a chance in my life for two months, but if I was disappointed, I would go back to the older man.

I told the older man that I needed to move on. I lied that I was going to join a church. He said that he was thinking about going to church, too. I did not know what to say. He took me to his place as usual, and I agreed to have sex with him for the last time. He gave me my usual $20,000, which is what he used to give me every time we had sex.

I became involved with the new guy. He is not as mature as the other man. He questions me, and he is demanding. I can't go anywhere without telling him where and with whom. He wants to know all of my friends. I don't like anybody questioning my every move. He is not giving me as much as the other man, and he talks about sex all the time.

I think I have made a mistake by leaving the older man. I called him and I told him that I stopped going to church, so we could get back together. He told me that it was too late because he was going with another woman who is his age and she has her own home. He said that he can only give me a little financial help sometimes.

I have thrown away a good man for a guy who can only give me $5,000 every week. The most I have got from him was $10,000, and he complained about it. I have to leave this guy. I told him that he has to step up because what he is giving me is not enough. He said that I am a gold-digger and I am only with him for money. I told him he doesn't have any money and it costs money to keep me. Pastor, am I wrong in talking to him that way?

L.L.

Dear L.L.,

I believe that you meant well. This younger man doesn't understand that when a guy sees a girl and she looks beautiful, it costs her to look that way and to keep that way.

He promised to support you, but this little money can't carry you. He should have known that $5,000 cannot do a girl's nails and hair and buy her the things that she needs for a week.

When he made the grand promise to support you, you should have told him what it would cost to keep you. Perhaps you should have told him what the older man was giving you. That probably would have caused him to run and leave you alone. You have not mentioned whether you are working. Perhaps you are not and you are totally relying on this man. I know that even if a young girl is working, she expects a substantial amount of money every week or fortnight from her boyfriend. That's how it goes in this modern world.

Now, having said the above, I have to hasten to say that you should try not to lie. You were leaving this older man and you lied that you wanted to become a part of a church. You are a liar, and a wicked one, too. Now that things have gone sour, you want to get back with the older man. He does not want you any more. So you should stay with the younger guy and try to get more out of him.

I do not believe that you are a gold-digger. You need money to maintain yourself and this guy can't go up to it. Some guys demand much from a girl, but their pocket is weak. But some girls rely too much on men for financial support. You need to get a job and support yourself. I wish you well.

Pastor