Boyfriend wants his name on my land title - I think that would be a bad idea

Dear Pastor,

I am in my early 40s and I am having a relationship with a man. I have two children, but not with this man.

I met him six years ago. I was living with another man but we were not married. He walked out on me and married his childhood sweetheart. My father decided that he would give me a piece of land so that I can build a house whenever I am ready. It is a beautiful piece of land. I am planning to build a three-bedroom, two-bathroom house. My father also gave my brothers land, but he gave me the nicest piece. I am his only daughter and he told me that I am just as important to him as my brothers.

When I met this man, I told him what my father did and I showed him the piece of land. He started to behave as if the land is his and he told me what we could do with it. I became suspicious of him right away. Now, he is in a hurry to marry me and he is telling me that we can get loans to put a split level house on the land. But I will have to put his name on the title. I spoke to my father about it and he told me that is not a wise thing to do. He reasoned that if this man loves me, he should marry me and take me to live in his own place.

I AM CONFUSED

Pastor, this man doesn't have anywhere that I would like to go and live. He has lots of chat, yes, but as I see it, he wants to ride on my back. I have come to love him. But I am confused. I am in a good job. He does odd jobs. Sometimes when people ask me what he does, I am too embarrassed to say.

I told him that my father disagreed about putting his name on the title and he said that would be between us because the land no longer belongs to my father. When he said that, I became very upset with him, knowing that my father did not have to give me this beautiful piece of property. I don't want to tell him to go because I don't want to move from man to man.

My previous boyfriend and I were together for many years and I never cheated on him. I told my current boyfriend that I no longer want to build. I will wait until my father has passed on. Since I told him so, he is not talking about getting married anymore. I would like to hear from you.

A.S.

Dear A.S.,

Your father is right. You should not agree to put this man's name on your land title. He shouldn't be making plans with your land in mind. He has come into your life with empty hands.

But he wants to put his pegs down by encouraging you to consent to take out a loan and for both of you to put up a house. Remember now, if you were to put this man on your title and you were to build a house, he would be in a position to claim joint ownership. Daddy is correct. If he loves you and wants to marry you, he should do so and take you to his own place. I cannot encourage you to listen to this man or to go along with his proposal.

I find this man to be disrespectful to your father by saying that the land is your land and that your father should have nothing to do with your decision. Without your father, you wouldn't have this land. This man is rude and out of order. I repeat, he is not showing respect to your daddy.

I give you a warning by telling you that there are many men who are always eager to have their names on the property titles of women. Their motive is not always pure. So, don't be a fool. Be careful what you do and I wish you well.

Pastor