Sleeping with my mother’s - I want him to myself

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you because I don't know who to turn to. I am 18 years old and I am living with my mother. When I was 16, I had sex with a man who was a friend of my mother's.

My mother is poor and at that time, I had needs that she could not meet. One time my mother told me that I was old enough to have a boyfriend and that she had boyfriends when she was 14 years old. I could not believe that my mother would say that to me. But some of my schoolmates were sexually active at that age and some of them had much more than what I had for lunch.

My mother's friend was always calling me sexy, but warning me not to tell her. He was always asking me for sex and I kept telling him no because I was a virgin. One day, he told me that he would take his time with me. So, one Saturday when my brother went to play football, I called this man and told him that I was alone. He came prepared to have sex with me. I was 16. I was scared but not too scared. He asked me how much I needed and I told him that I would take whatever he had.

When he held me, I felt funny. He had sex with me and told me to go and wash up right away. He did not stay around, but he gave me $6,000. We became good friends. Then one day, my mother told me that she and this man were in a relationship. I wasn't happy about that. She asked me why I did not look happy because this man could help her. I am still having sex with this man. He gives me much more money now and I can get anything I want from him. I know he loves me more than he loves my mother. I can see it in his eyes when we are together.

I told him that I would like to go away because I know I should not be having sex with the same man who is having sex with my mother. What would you say about my problem? Please do not condemn me.

R.S.

Dear R.S.,

This man is a very worthless man. He did not have to become involved with you. He knew that your mother was having a very difficult time financially and that you were in need.

So, he used that as an opportunity to become sexually involved with you. He saw you as an easy target. He also knew that you had reached the age of consent, so he would not get himself into any trouble as long as the sex was consensual. He is a wicked man.

You had needs and so you consented to have sex with him. But since that time, you have been regularly going to bed with him. Now, he and your mother are not just social friends, but they have become lovers. So at the age of 18, you are going to bed with the same man with whom your mother is having sex. That is smutty behaviour. You asked me not to condemn you and I really don't wish to do so. But I wish you would just cease from having sex with this man. You have to say no to him and find ways for you and this man to not be alone.

You have not said what type of work you are doing or whether you are working at all. If you are not working, try and get yourself a job so that you can support yourself.

Pastor