My husband is giving me bun

Dear Pastor,

I am 28 years old and I am writing to you about a problem. I have been married for two years, but I am very unhappy. I had a child before I met my husband.

I didn't like him at first but I got to like him, especially when I saw how he treated my son. He was caring and he assisted me with him in every way. He would pick him up from daycare and spend time assisting him with his home work. When I could not get my son to sit with me and to try to pronounce words, he would get him to do so.

Now that we are married, he is still caring but he has other women. He has never admitted that, but I have seen things on his phone that make me believe that he has them and goes out with them. My husband comes home on time, so his habit is to meet with women during his lunch period. I am not judging him. His secretary has confirmed that to me. She has even given me the name of one of his favourite women. I don't want to tell him that I got the information from her because I don't want him to fire her. This is a poor girl who is trying to help herself.

I have befriended her and she tells me everything that I need to know. My husband has a girlfriend in America. He went away on business, booked into a hotel and checked this woman in the hotel as his wife. Others who attended business meetings with him saw the girl and yet he is denying everything. I don't know what to do.

He takes care of me. When it comes to supporting the house, I do not have any complaints. But he lies a lot when it comes to women. I got pregnant, but I lost the baby and I do not regret what happened. He told me that I should hurry up and get pregnant again, but I am not crazy. We went to counselling but all he did was to lie to the counsellor. Even when I showed what I saw in his phone to the counsellor, he said that somebody was setting him up. I cannot continue with my husband. He said he doesn't need me to forgive him because he is not guilty of anything.

M.R.

Dear M.R.,

This man did not refuse to go for counselling sessions. What he did was to lie his way through. He probably thought that he fooled the counsellor, but a trained family counsellor cannot be easily fooled.

You find it difficult to continue to live with this man. You should pray and ask the good Lord to deliver you. You know the name of his favourite side chick. Perhaps this woman could be invited to the next counselling session. I doubt she will attend. But you can tell him that you are willing to give the family counsellor the woman's name. When your husband and you are with the counsellor, the counsellor can ask to call this woman and ask her if she is having an intimate relationship with your husband.

I am sure, however, that your husband has informed her that you are aware of her. So, he will put her on her guard, so to speak. I am not encouraging you to leave your husband, at least not yet. The time may come when you can't take it anymore, but give him enough time to come to his senses. Try your best to coax your husband to seek help, but you should always tell him that if he will not seek professional help, you will end the relationship. If he loves you, he would want to protect his relationship. But I say again, give him time.

Pastor