I had sex twice in one day with two different guys

Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column and I thank you for the work that you have been doing. I am 21 years old and I attend church. I don't have a steady boyfriend, but I have had boyfriends in life. I started to have sex when I was in sixth form.

When I was in Lower Six, I had sex twice in one day with two different guys. One of them told his friends that we had sex but I denied it. I cursed the guy and left him. Word about the sexual encounter began making the rounds. The rumour was so strong that my mother heard about it and asked me if it was true.

The guy with whom I had sex was not even my type. On the day it happened, a group of us had planned to meet but the others did not show up. The only persons at the meeting place was me and the guy, so we started to make out. He said that he always admired me. We had sex.

FELT TERRIBLE

When it was time for me to go home, I saw my boyfriend and he picked me up and we went to our usual spot, which is a motel. I could not tell him that I just had sex.

I felt so terrible. My boyfriend heard that I had sex with the other guy and he began calling me a slut. We broke up but we got back together two years ago. He is planning to leave me to go to America. His people are living there. I do not want him to go. He has a green card. He plans to come back to Jamaica and marry me as soon as he gets a job. He wants to become an engineer, but he says that he would not live permanently in America. His parents have been there for many years.

I want to attend university, but I do not have the means to get there. That is one of the reasons why I would agree to go to the States, so that I will be able to go to school. I don't know much about this man's people. He is of very light complexion and I am dark-skinned. We don't go out much because of COVID-19 and I am not working, but he tries to help me. Sometimes I am confused and I don't know what to do.

Please give me your best advice.

A.

Dear A.,

So many young people have got into trouble by engaging in study groups. Nothing is wrong with group studies, but young people should always be aware that when they meet it is for study, for changing ideas and for working on different projects. And they should meet in places where they will not be tempted to have sex with each other.

As I respond to you, I am thinking of a man who was attending university and was in a study group. This man was a young married man. He got involved with a female student and left his wife. His wife could not believe that after being together for a long time, her husband would have left her for a young woman who was attending the same university.

I am sorry to know that when the other students did not show up, you did not suggest to this young man that you should leave. Both of you started to fool around and you ended up having sex with him. Additionally, he could not keep his big mouth shut. He had to tell as many people as possible what occurred. Sometimes guys brag about having sex with women because they believed they have conquered someone they admired and was longing to have a relationship with. I believed that is what happened here. This guy told others about what happened between the both of you to brag and to let everybody know that you were not beyond his reach.

He was proud of himself. He deeply embarrassed you.

It is unfortunate that you had sex with your boyfriend that same day. When he picked you up, you should have told him that you wanted to go home, but I supposed that he would want to know why you were in such a hurry to do so. So, he took you to what you described as your 'regular spot', and you subjected yourself to him.

Bad news gets around faster than good news. So, he heard the bad news that you were sexually involved with this other guy and he cursed you and left you. Now that both of you are back together, he is telling you that he is planning to go abroad and you do not want him to go.

Let me make this suggestion to you. If you really want to go back to school, apply for a student loan here in Jamaica. Yes, do what you want to do by beginning here in Jamaica. Don't rely on this man. When he goes to America, he can change his mind about you. Contact the Students' Loan Bureau and they will advise you about what has to be done. You are a young girl, you have made mistakes, but put the mistakes that you have made behind you and move on.

I wish you well.

Pastor