Farmer used chickens and cash to catch me

Dear Pastor,

I need your fatherly advice. I am 23 years old. When I was 16 I became sexually active. I was living in a district, and not far from us was a farmer who raised chickens and goats. He took a liking to me. He would position himself so that he could see me when I was going to school. One day he told me that I should come by when he was plucking chickens. I went. He gave me two chickens and told me that I could return for more chickens within two weeks.

When I took the chickens home, my mother said, 'What a way you lucky.' That Sunday we had chicken and dumplings for dinner. We did not have to buy chicken back. One day, this man called me on the phone and told me that he liked me. I told him thanks, but he is married, so I was afraid to talk to him. He said that his wife was not always at home and that I should come by at a certain time. A couple of the guys who work with him told me that he loved me. News got around to my mother and she told me not to go back to his place, but I went back. I told him that I did not want any chicken, but I could use some money. He gave me $1000.

I went downtown and bought some nice things, because a holiday was coming up. We did not have much to eat, so I told my mother I was going to go back to see him and get some more chickens. She agreed. His wife was not at home. I got the chicken, and he told me when to come back. I should not have gone back. I went back and he held me and undressed me and had sex with me. He got me pregnant and I had to drop out of school.

The workers knew that the child was his. The ladies who work on the farm told his wife. She found me and questioned me. I told her that it was my boyfriend who got me pregnant and her husband had nothing to do with it. She spoke to my boyfriend, who told her that I was carrying his child.

This man gave me money to go to the doctor and told me that I could do an abortion. My mother was against it, so I had the baby. My mother took care of the baby, and he has supported the child because his wife does not have any children for him. The child was not registered in his name. Now he wants the child's name to be changed. His wife has accepted the child as his own.

I love this man so much. I no longer go to his farm, but we meet and we have sex sometimes. When I finally told my mother the truth, she allowed him to come to the house and see me. He wants the child to have a good education. My boyfriend understands. I told him the truth. He does not get between this man and myself. My daughter calls my boyfriend Daddy, and her real father, Grandpa. That is what he told her to call him.

I want to get married. I love my boyfriend. If I don't get married to him, I will get married to another man. I don't know when that will be because I still like the farmer. I am not in need of anything. This man gives me everything I ask him for.

T.

Dear T.,

You were naive when you went to this farmer. He offered you help, and you needed the help. Your mother needed the help, but you did not understand that such help came with a big cost. Your mother should have told you from the outset that nothing in life is free. By the time your mother told you not to go back to this man's place, you were convinced in your mind that you loved him and needed his help. You got help alright, but he helped himself as well.

He was not careful in protecting you. He got you pregnant. He didn't have to get you pregnant, but he didn't care. Perhaps because his wife did not have a child by him, he thought that he was at fault. He ejaculated in you and he got you pregnant.

In rural Jamaica, people know exactly what is going on, and so they will talk. Your boyfriend and you tried to cover up this thing by saying that it is your boyfriend who got you pregnant. Now the man's wife knows the truth and she has accepted your child as a part of her family. The question is, how long are you going to continue this relationship? This man comes to your house and behaves as if it is his second home. You have to make up your mind if that is the way you are going to live for the rest of your life, or until this man dies.

Tell this man if he really truly loves you, he should set you free to develop a good relationship with your boyfriend because you would love to get married. The child has the right to carry the name of her biological father. That can be changed by doing a deed poll. You probably should consult a lawyer on this matter.

Pastor