I am not enjoying my sex life

Dear Pastor,

I am a 25-year-old man, the same age as my wife. We are Christians. I have not gone to another woman from the time I became intimate with the woman I married. I used to have other girlfriends, but when I met my wife, I promised her that I would be true to her, and I have done just that. We had premarital sex and some of the things that I wanted to do, she objected to, but she told me that after our marriage nothing will be off the table.

From the first night after our marriage, my wife objected when I tried to stimulate her by touching her clitoris. She said that that is gross. It took a long time to get her to touch my penis. I don't know what to do with this woman. Sometimes she said that I should do what I have to do and get it over with.

One day, I asked my wife whether she was raped, and she said that no man could do that to her. I am not enjoying my sex life. She says that too much sex is on my mind. My marriage is heading for a divorce. As I see it, my wife was not ready to be married. When I turn her around, she is like a log. She refuses to come on top of me and for us to do any type of position, except the missionary position. Not every woman enjoys oral sex. I know that. But sometimes I would like us to do so.

I am so frustrated. That is why I am writing to you. I am trying to keep away from other women. I have told my wife so, but she says if I want to go to other women, I should feel free.

Do you think that my wife loves me? How could she love me and be telling me that she does not care whether I go to other women or not? I talk to my older brother about my problem, and he says that it is because I am a Christian why I am suffering like this. He is not a Christian, so sometimes he goes to prostitutes. I don't want to do that, so I beg you for your advice.

E.

Dear E.,

You and your wife need to get professional help. It seems to me that all she wanted was to have a ring on her finger. I am also wondering whether both of you had received premarital counselling, because if you did, some of the issues that she is having now would have been discussed.

This woman does not even want you to practise foreplay, and this is necessary before sexual intercourse. The purpose of the clitoris is for pleasure; it has no other use. It is God who put it there, so that sexual intercourse would not be boring. Perhaps your wife feels that a man is totally out of order when he touches his wife's clitoris.

Your wife is indeed playing with her marriage, and I am not trying to put thoughts into your mind because of what you already said. Any man who is so unsatisfied with the response of his wife would be tempted to go to another woman. I hope that will not happen in your case. You and your wife should read good books written by Christian counsellors and psychologists.

This woman likes one position, which is generally called the missionary position, but I believe that even if that is the position she likes, she should not be there as a dead log.

I want you to stay with your wife. Don't take the advice of your brother, he is not a Christian. Keep away from other women or prostitutes as your brother has hinted you to do. I wish you well.

Pastor