Pastor says I should not marry my boyfriend - ... because he does not speak in tongues

Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column from I was a little girl. I am in a situation and I need your help. My boyfriend and I have been together for three years.

When we became friends, I was an innocent girl. I didn't know anything about sex. He had previous girlfriends so he taught me everything and took my virginity. I did not want to get involved with a policeman or a soldier, but he happened to be a policeman. I love to see him in his uniform.

My parents loved him. He used to visit our home and my father always addressed him as 'officer'. My mother was a day's worker and my father was a farmer. Almost every weekend when he was not on duty, he visited me. My parents did not watch me because I was already an adult. I had my own room. One weekend when my parents were not at home, we had the house to ourselves and he took my virginity. I cried and he hushed me to bed and I slept. By the time I woke up, he was gone and my parents came home after. Since that time, we have made love numerous times.

I am a nurse and I have grown to love this man so much. Sometimes when he is angry, he curses me. I have heard him curse while he is on the road driving and then he apologises to me. We are thinking of getting married but my minister says I should not marry him because he is not a believer. I told my minister that this is the man I love and I will not be happy with any other man in my life. He is not a 'tongue-speaking' man and that is why my minister says he is not a believer. But he believes in God and he is always encouraging me to go to church. But we are not going to attend that church after we are married. My parents do not have anything against this relationship.

My boyfriend is very respectful and he is very helpful. I don't know him to be involved in any bad business such as corruption. I could have other guys but this is the man I want and I will not change. What do you say about this relationship?

J.T.

Dear J.T.,

You did not mention your age or your boyfriend's age. But one thing you have made clear is that this is your man and you are not giving him up. Your minister calls him a non-believer.

You did not mention the name of the organisation your minister represents. I know a particular religious organisation and the members from that organisation call everybody who is not a part of it non-believers. According to them, you have to be associated with them to be a believer.

This man and you have been lovers even before you became a nurse. Evidently, you have protected yourself from getting pregnant and he has been careful not to get you pregnant. That is something that he should be commended for because many men who do his type of work are not careful about how they build family life, so to speak.

I hope that both of you will get married and I hope that you will remain faithful to him and he will be faithful to you. I do not see why you should not marry him. But I would urge both of you to go through premarital counselling long before both you tie the knot.

Pastor