My boyfriend is too controlling

Dear Pastor,

I am a 19-year-old girl and I have been having sex since I was 16 and a half years old. I don't know why, but I don't keep boyfriends for long. I can't stand foolishness.

I used to have a boyfriend but I left him. He wanted to know everywhere I went. He was jealous. So, sometimes I lied to him and told him that I was going to visit my aunt. So, I used to call my aunt first and tell her what I was going to tell my boyfriend.

My aunt was glad to have me come because she wanted me to have a relationship with a guy who works at a bank. I liked the guy but he did not have any money to give to me; he always wanted my body. I told my aunt that he was a waste of time. My aunt told me that I should have patience because he was paying back student loan. He was 24 years old. The only thing I got from the guy was a used cell phone. My present boyfriend is helping me to go back to school. I want to own my own business. My mother does not like him. She wants me to leave him. He can be very ignorant and he has threatened to hit me.

Last Christmas, he gave me money to buy stuff for Christmas and to sell them downtown Kingston. I made good money but I want more than that. I want to have a place like a little store. He told me that he would borrow the money and furnish it for me, but I am afraid that if I don't do what he says, we won't get along. I can't talk to any man at all and let him see. I would like to go to the University of Technology, Jamaica, but I am short of two subjects. I am studying and hoping that I will pass them so that I can go to the institution.

My boyfriend gives me money, but I have to give an account of every cent and I don't like that. Do you think that I should leave him and go to school? Sometimes I am confused. Please tell me what to do.

Confused

Dear Confused,

I think what you are trying to say is that your present boyfriend is very controlling and you are very unhappy with him. There are some men who believe that their women should give them an account of their whereabouts 24/7. They question their women because they do not trust them. I keep telling men that if their women want to cheat, they will do so. So, it does not make sense trying to find out their whereabouts for the entire day.

You have not said that you love your present boyfriend. I am not saying that you do not love him. I am saying that you have not said so. What you seem to want is money and you also want to be a businesswoman. You will succeed if you study hard and are determined to succeed in life. You are 19 years old. You just have to let this man know that you will cooperate with him but you are an individual and you do not wish for him to try and control you. You have to also be careful how much money you take from him. He may try to control you because you are looking to him for financial help. Perhaps you should try and get a part-time job so that you can help yourself and help to pay your bills.

Your mother doesn't like this man. Don't ignore what your mother says.

Pastor