I want to stop masturbating and find a wife I want to

Dear Pastor,

I am 40 and a father of a nine-year-old daughter. Her mother and I stopped dealing over seven years ago.

She never worked, so I was the breadwinner. One Valentine's Day, she was not at home. She said she would be at her grandmother's house, so I looked for her there. I was just in time to see her grandmother coming from church. We went to the house and to our surprise, we saw my girlfriend doing '69' with a man. She was shocked to see us. She confessed everything. She said I was never there for her as I was always working. She said I was not giving her enough money or intercourse. I told her that was a poor excuse. She told me the relationship between us was over and she left with the guy.

My second girlfriend and I lived together for four years. She got the opportunity to travel to Canada on the farm work programme. I was happy for her, so I helped her to go. For the first four months, she kept in touch with me. One day, she stopped answering my calls. Months later, I got a call from her. Before I could say anything, she said I needed to move on with my life as she will not be coming back to Jamaica. I had borrowed a large sum of money to help her. I loved this girl so much. My daughter also loved her; it almost killed her. I had to take her to the doctor to help control the stress. I made a vow that I would never love again. There are times I tried to end my life with pills and for days I could not sleep. I lost a lot of weight. Depression and stress took over. I even lost my job.

But I could not continue drowning in my sorrows. So, I was able to find a job and pay off some of my bills. I have learned to adjust to life's pain. I have seen improvements in my health and now I am doing better. I was also able to complete my university degree. I am thanking God for a second chance to life. But I am struggling to find a woman to love me. Maybe there are no faithful women around. I want to start to serve God, but my sexual desires are strong. I tried praying and fasting about it. Loneliness is also stressing me. Honestly, Pastor, I masturbate very often. But I really want to stop. I crave for a woman's love, a woman's hug, someone to talk to, someone to love me and my child.

I am seeking your help in prayers to find someone for me and my child. I believe every man has special qualities that he is looking for in a wife. For me, she must, among other things, share my beliefs, make me a better man, inspire trustworthiness, have ambition, care about others, be responsible, and must be a God-fearing person.

C.W.

Dear C.W.,

Without doubt you have been engaging in a pity party for a long time. You have put yourself into situations you should not have. Your child's mother never worked.

The questions are, why didn't you allow her to work? Why didn't you encourage her to get a job? When you caught her having sex with another man, she said one reason was to get money because she had financial needs. She insulted you. But it seems that she was never a good woman and that you are very much naive.

You have allowed women to fool you and you are giving the impression that you cannot find a good woman. The other girl left you for Canada, got involved with another man and is now married. Now, you have a long list of the type of women you would love to meet.

I believe that what you need to do right now is to get some professional help. These women have used you and dumped you. So, you need to go and find out from a psychologist or trained family counsellor where you went wrong and what you should do now to avoid similar situations. I can assure you of my prayers, but believe me when I say you are not ready for another intimate relationship.

Pastor