It’s hard to keep up with my boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

I just turned 21 and I am confused about my relationship with my 27-year old-boyfriend. We are unable to see eye to eye.

I love him so much, but he thinks that I don't love him. I am studying, so I cannot spend the amount of time with him that he wants. I have assignments to do, and I want to do well.

He is an engineer. I try to give him what he wants on weekends, like on a Saturday night. But he wants more and frequently tells me that I am driving him to other women. I don't like that.

NOT TEMPTED

We don't go out much, but when I go to see him, I cook and take care of his apartment the best way I can. Whenever I go to see him, his room is always in good condition. I try to look around it when he is out, but I don't see any signs that a woman was there. I am not tempted to go with any man. I don't have the time for that. Whenever we make love, he tells me that he is satisfied and he falls asleep. But before day breaks he wants us to have sex again. It is hard for me to keep up with him. I told him that he should not overdo things because I want him to last for a long time.

Most of his relatives are away, but he has a sister and a brother who live and work in rural Jamaica. When they come to Kingston, they stay with him. When they are there, I don't sleep with him. He helps me a lot. Everything I ask him for, he tries to give me. My parents still support me. I can withdraw money from their account at any time. But my boyfriend gives me money often. Sometimes I ask myself whether it is because he knows that I take money from him why he always wants to climb between my thighs.

I would like to go abroad to further my studies. My parents are pushing me to do so, but my boyfriend is against that. He says that if I go, he will find another woman. That bothers me a lot. I do not know what to do, so please give me your advice.

L.

Dear L.,

You are only 21, and so I speak to you from my heart. Do not allow any man to prevent you from pursuing your goals and your objectives. Very soon you will graduate from university here in Jamaica. But you would love to further your studies abroad. Make your plans to do so. Your boyfriend is not encouraging you to go abroad, but you have to remind yourself that a good education is the best way forward for any young person. If a man leaves you and moves on with his life, you will still be in a position to get yourself a good job and be able to support yourself.

Too many young women have made the mistake of getting pregnant or tying up themselves with men. But the men do not always remain with them. Your boyfriend is always driving fear in you by telling you that he might leave you and go with another girl. That is indeed a threat. But you ought to remember that if he wants to do so, nothing will prevent him. You may have sex with him 10 times for the week, and he may still fuss and want more. Having sex with him many times for the week will not prevent him from keeping another woman. Please do not allow this man to get you pregnant.

You have good parents. They are doing their best to help you. Keep your head high. Do well at university and make them proud.

Pastor