Girlfriend pressuring me to get married

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you, but I always read your column and I listen to you every night. I am in my late 50s. I have been married twice. But these marriages did not work.

I used to live in New York, but I am home in Jamaica permanently. I am done with the cold. Since coming home, I have started a new life. No more running around for me. My father died and left a house for my brother and I. My brother has no interest in the house, so I am repairing it.

I met a woman who was also married, but is now divorced. This woman and I have hit it off. She has nothing and I can say that I don't have anything, either. But my two children help me out. This woman has been pressuring me to marry her. When I first met her, I told her that we can be friends, but I am not interested in the marriage business again. But she is not stopping, because she said she was going to church and because of me, she touched the forbidden fruit. I told her that I prefer that we break up than to go against my mind and get married again.

We were in bed one night and I touched her, and the woman started crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she called me a devil. Since then I have not been sleeping with her. I don't know what to do. She is seven years older than I am. I am not interested in going to her church, because that is what she is using to trap me. She does everything for me, but I am not getting married again, and she does not want to leave me. What should I do?

Initial Withheld

Dear Writer,

This woman is blaming you for the situation in which she has found herself. She was living her life as a single woman and attending her church, and you came along and changed that by 'putting questions to her'. Of course, she could have said no to you, but she thought you would have done the gentlemanly thing by proposing to her eventually and both of you would get married. She told you that she touched the forbidden fruit. I think I understand what she is saying. Most Jamaicans believe that it wasn't a fruit that Eve ate, it was sex that she had. So this woman was protecting her forbidden fruit until you, the Devil interfered with her. What a terrible man you are!

Now she misses her church, and you are telling her that you are not interested in getting married. So the woman has resorted to crying. You believe that because you have had two failed marriages that you should not marry for the third time. You cannot be sure that a third marriage will not work. Perhaps this woman and you should make an appointment to see a family counsellor, where both of you can discuss the issue. You should go to the counsellor with an open mind. But if you are not prepared to go, you should end the relationship with this woman and let her seek happiness elsewhere.

Pastor