Mother-in-law thinks she runs my house

Dear Pastor,

I am 35 years old and I have been reading your column from I was in high school.

When I got a boyfriend, he told me that I will have headaches if I don't have sex with him. I quoted what you had said in one of your columns. I told him it is not true that a girl who does not have sex will suffer from headaches. He insisted it was true. I told him that I was not ready for sex, so I was prepared to have the headaches. He stopped bothering me for sex. But he found a girl who had sex with him whenever he wanted to. He used to go to her and then come to me. I told him he could not keep the two of us at the same time. He got that girl pregnant. So he and I broke up. They now have three children and he has not married her.

I am now going with a man who is 10 years my senior. Of course, I am no longer a virgin, I gave that up a long time ago. This man and I have a child together and we bought a house together. His mother and I don't get along very well. She said I am too proud. I am not too proud, but she wants me to allow her to come to the house whenever she feels like it, and to go into my refrigerator and take out whatever she wants. I object to that. She told people that it is her son's house, so I should allow her to take what she needs. Her son spoke to her and told her that it is also my house, so she hates me. I am making more than what her son earns. But he told me, for peace sake, that whenever she comes to the house, I should allow her to take what she needs. I told him that I will never allow her to walk in and out of this house and to do whatever she wants.

This woman hates me so much, and I have not done her anything wrong. From the time her son told her that he loved me, she turned against me. Her son and I are planning to get married. She told him that she will not attend our wedding. That is bothering him. His father and mother are not married. His father will attend our wedding.

What is wrong with this lady? She told her neighbours that I have tied her son to me. Some people believe her. Pastor, I am looking for your advice.

V.R.

Dear V.R.,

Your mother-in-law has to learn that she does not control you or your house. Even when a man is the head of his house, it is his woman who controls the house.

Your mother-in-law has to learn to respect that, respect the position you hold, and learn that she doesn't have the right to walk in and out of your place. She does not have the right to go into your refrigerator or do anything without your permission. Her son should stand up for what is right and not defend her when she is wrong. Perhaps you feel disappointed in her and in your man, too, because he is not defending you.

It is unfortunate that mothers-in-law are always eager to say that women have tied their sons to them. But don't allow what this woman says to make you feel down. You are earning more than her son. Why would you waste your money to tie him? Rubbish!

Concerning your wedding, your husband may miss her if she carries out her threat not to attend. You would also like her to be there. But the wedding will happen without her. You may miss her presence, but perhaps she may fuss over everything that is done at the wedding. If she does not attend, make sure that she gets a piece of the cake, and even some wine. She is still your mother-in-law and although she has tried to disrespect you, please treat her with respect.

Pastor