Boyfriend doesn’t believe I should attend church

Dear Pastor,

I am 17 and I am in lower sixth form. I am dating a 15-year-old. We went to church together and I love him very much.

My stepfather's uncle and his three children came and lived with us. I used his daughter's phone to text my boyfriend and he called her babe. I got involved with the girl's brother and we almost did something. I told my boyfriend about it and he got upset.

I went to school and told my best friend about my boyfriend and they ended up texting each other. He asked her for pictures and she sent some. One Sunday we went to church together and I borrowed his phone and I saw a picture of my best friend in a bra. I got mad at him. He started to text three of my friends and asked them if they were going to give him 'the thing' (sex). I felt ashamed. We had an argument after that and I told him that we were done. But we started talking again. He texted my sister-in-law and asked her if she and my brother were still dating. He then asked her many uncomfortable questions, even about oral sex. My brother got involved and he and my elder sister were upset with me.

That passed but one day an ex-boyfriend texted me and I asked him for a nude picture out of curiosity. My boyfriend saw it in my phone and got mad at me. He even grabbed my throat in anger. Another day he came to my house and bit me on my finger for no reason. He said he wanted to see me cry. Everyone knows we are together. We have been through a lot but I realised that if he wants to hurt me now, he may do worse if we start to live together.

TAKES CARE OF ME

I met an older man on Facebook last October. We love each other. He helps me with everything, gives me really good advice and takes care of me. He is currently helping me with school. She knows him and knows that he is helping me. This man doesn't live in Jamaica. He doesn't believe in going to church. He said it's a money-making thing. Since I started talking to him, I feel like I am losing my faith in God. I don't even attend church any more.

Pastor, I am deeply in love with this man. So I decided to stop talking to my boyfriend; we broke up a month ago. This man has a daughter and also knows how to treat a woman because he is much older.

L.

Dear L.,

When I started reading your letter, I thought what you were saying was typical for a young girl. Then I realised that it was much deeper. You are doing much more than just playing around with guys and having sex. The guys are endeavouring to have a good time with you and your friends. These young men feel that they have a right to demand certain things from you. Unfortunately, neither you nor your friends have high moral standards.

Now you are going with a much older man. You say your mother knows him and this man is taking care of you financially. He doesn't want you to attend church. He believes that all churches are engaged in making money. You know that what he wants from you is sex and that is evidently what you are giving him. The money that he gives you, he doesn't want you to give any to the church. What he doesn't realise is that he can only talk that nonsense to you because you are naive and you need financial help. Yes, he will destroy your faith in Almighty God. Your mother may live to regret that she did not raise you the right way.

You are so very young and what you need to do is to concentrate on your future by studying hard and setting high goals for yourself. You didn't say how old this man is but I can tell you he is making a fool out of you. Your mother may encourage you to continue with him because she can get a few dollars. But the man is destroying your future, and when he has had enough of you, he will dump you. Don't be surprised if he has another woman in America. I am praying for you. I ask God to open your eyes and your understanding so that you will not allow men to use you. Go to school. You need a good education and please don't allow men to use you.

Pastor