Wife had sex with her co-worker in my house

Dear Pastor,

My wife and I have been married for four years. We have two children, a boy and a girl. Since COVID-19 reached Jamaica, my wife has worked from home and I leave out for work in the morning. In February, my wife's co-worker came over to our house for three days in a row to work with her. I had no issue with that because I understood the nature of their job. However, on the fourth day, I went home early because the client who I had been expecting to arrive from a flight overseas got her flight cancelled. I caught my wife and her co-worker in bed having sex.

I left without creating uproar. The gentleman called both my office and my cell phone but I have not answered. I told my family about the issue and I told my children that their mother was interested in someone else. I told my children that I would be away for a couple of days and I made provisions for them to have a live-in nanny to help with their care. I also video called them and visited them at school. I also called my lawyer and I made provisions to rent a house for myself. I have refused to take my wife's call and I only communicate with her via my lawyer. In a voice message that she sent to me, my wife appeared very upset that I told the children and my family about what she had done.

I have not discussed the incident with her because we haven't spoken. She claimed that I acted too quickly and we needed to have gone to counselling first. But I am not interested in repairing this relationship. She said that I put her in a bad position because she used to drop the children off at my mother's house and she does not feel comfortable doing so any more. Before I moved out of the house, my wife expressed concern that if we do not appear together, that would cause her to face questions at work. I told my co-workers as well so they wouldn't ask about her. Was I wrong?

J.

Dear J.,

I congratulate you for handling this matter with restraint. When you found your wife having sex with her co-worker, you could have lost control and you could have done something that was very bad and got yourself into serious trouble. Nothing your wife can tell you can justify her behaviour with her co-worker in your house.

Now this woman feels that you embarrassed her by telling relatives what you saw her doing. She said that both of you should have sought counselling. But she is forgetting that you were seriously hurt emotionally and psychologically. She betrayed your trust. I hope that you will continue to support your children well. I am sure that your lawyer will guide you. I am not saying that you will never need counselling from a family therapist, but getting counselling does not necessary mean that you will have to resume the relationship with your wife and have everybody living as a family again.

I thank you for your letter and I assure you of my prayers. Please let me know how you are doing.

Pastor