Girlfriend’s mom standing in my way

Dear Pastor,

Let me start out by telling you that I wish you many blessings. I am a man who has been reading your column for a long time. I do not always agree with you, but I admire your firmness and your straightforwardness.

I was born in Jamaica but I have not lived there for many years. I am a spiritual man. I got married to an American woman, but her lifestyle and mine did not blend very well. She was a smoker and, when I tried to tell her that she was killing herself, she ignored me. She moved from cigarettes to marijuana. She was always hanging out with the wrong crowd. She started to drink and was disrespectful to me. Imagine this woman telling me about what I should do with my mother!

Sometimes when she drank too much, she was unable to go to work. Those who love me, encouraged me to divorce her. My lawyer helped me to get through. Today, I am a free man. I am now dating a Jamaican woman. She is ambitious and she is in nursing school. She listens to me and I listen to her. She does not smoke or drink. I have one hurdle to overcome. Her mother says that she ought not to be in a relationship with me because I was once married and the Bible does not support divorce. Her mother is trying to get me to go back to my wife. But that is a no-no for me. I am not going back there. Her mother behaves as if I have committed a crime by divorcing my wife.

So, please say something that I can show her to let her know that I have not committed a crime by divorcing my wife.

H.J.

Dear H.J.,

You will observe, I am sure, that much of what you have written, I have deleted. I believe that you mean well. And I also believe that you have had a very bad marriage. And she got worse and worse. Her life deteriorated. I hope that she will receive some help. There are many places that she can go to receive professional help.

You are very fortunate that you have met a lovely Jamaican girl, and evidently she loves you. And, although her mother does not like you, and would rather not see her daughter go deeply into a relationship with you, the young lady and you are still together. Her mother feels that you have committed a very great sin by divorcing your wife. And, for her daughter to associate with you as a divorced man, she may suffer the wrath of God on her life. There are many people who believe that divorce and remarriage are not scriptural and all divorce people should be condemned.

What I would suggest is that you should stop arguing with your girlfriend's mother and your girlfriend and yourself should seek the advice of a Christian family counsellor as soon as possible.

Pastor