Boyfriend doesn’t know his daughter is sexually active

Dear Pastor,

I am 37 and I do not have children of my own. I have a good job, but I was never married. I met a man and he has two daughters, both of whom are in their 20s.

He told me that their mother went away for a week and then she came back and told him that she was going away again for three months to work so that they can buy certain things that they needed. He agreed. But her three months turned into six months and then into a year. She kept calling her children and told them on the phone that she was going to stay in America to get married and send for them.

MOVED IN

One of the girls told me that she started to cry and her mother said that she should not cry, as she was staying in America because she loved them and living in Jamaica is too hard. He said that night the girls told him what their mother said and they started to cry again. This man is very close to his daughters. At the time when their mother left, one was 13 and the other was 15. Then he met me and we became friends. I had just lost my job, so I moved in with them. The only thing that he did not have was a washing machine. I told him that I could not manage the washing with my bare hands, so the girls washed their own clothes and I washed his clothes, my clothes and the bed linens. He bought a washing machine and everything was alright.

The older girl started to have sex. I knew when she lost her virginity and I told her. She begged me not to say anything to her father. Pastor, I was not going to but I cautioned her to be careful. Then one day, she told me that she was planning to go out with one of her friends and she was going to sleep over. I suspected that she was going to see the guy. So, I asked who the friend was and she told me that it was a girl. So, I insisted that I should get the number. I later called the number and a man answered. He was her boyfriend. I did not know what to do because I had told her father that I had the number. I did not say anything. But when she came home, I confronted her and she admitted that she lied.

I watched her and she seemed to have been pregnant, but she denied it and now the pregnancy is gone. She is very close to her sister. So, I asked her sister if she knows anything about her boyfriend and she said she doesn't have one. I told her that she cannot ask me for permission to go out; she should ask her dad. I do not want anything to happen to these girls. This man would blame me. He is not rich but he makes me very happy. He is 50. He says that he does not want to have any more children. I have given up on having children. I will marry him whenever he is ready because the girls' mother is not coming back. We live in his home. Should I tell him that his daughter is sexually active and has a boyfriend?

C.L.

Dear C.L.,

Why would you tell this man that his daughter is sexually active? She is an adult. When she lost her virginity, she did not have to tell you. What you should continue to do is to try your best to give them guidance and let them know that they can talk to you about anything. You should try not to let them believe that you are nosey. If they want to tell you something about themselves, they will do so of their own volition. Try not to pry in their business otherwise, you won't hear anything from them.

You did not say anything about their education. I hope these girls are in college or in some type of training institution. Don't push this man to marry you. But whenever he proposes, I am sure that you are wise enough to accept. You are living with this man and his children and the relationship seems to be good. Let it remain that way.

Pastor