Sister said she had sex but is still a virgin

Dear Pastor,

I am 16 years old and I am living with my parents, two sisters and a brother. My sisters are older than I am. One is 18 years old and she went out with her boyfriend.

One day my other sister was cursing her and telling her that she was no good because she went out with this boy who smokes ganja and gave away her virginity. My older sister responded by saying that she had sex with the boy, but she is still a virgin.

I am confused because I would like to know, how can a person have sex and still be a virgin? I talked to some of my school friends and they said that no girl can have sex and still remain a virgin. I can't ask my mother about that. So I hope you will tell me if a girl can have sex with a man and still remain a virgin.

I hope to get married after I leave university because university is where I want to attend. I want to be a lawyer. My sister who had sex with the ganja-smoking man said that she tried ganja before but she did not like smoking it. So I am wondering, pastor, if it is the ganja that went to her head that caused her to have sex with the guy and she did not even know what she was doing.

Initial Withheld

Dear Writer,

I am glad that you feel comfortable to ask these questions. If a young woman has never had sexual intercourse before, her hymen will be intact. The hymen is proof of a woman's virginity. However, if she has sexual intercourse, and by that I mean that the man's penis entered her vagina and her hymen was broken, she is no longer a virgin. She may want to think that she is, but she is no longer a virgin.

Some women who have abstained from sexual intercourse for a long time say that they are virgins but they are not. They may consider themselves celibate but they are not virgins. Your sister is fooling herself. She knows that she gave away her virginity by having sex with this man. When the hymen is broken, it may bleed a little. From my own studies, the bleeding may not be much, but at least there should be some.

Before I go, let me say that sex is not the only thing that may cause a woman to lose her virginity. Sometimes the hymen may break from the use of a tampon or when a woman is engaged in activities such as bicycle riding. But even when a woman's hymen might be broken by the use of the tampon or vigorous activities, she can still claim to be a virgin. But if a man has inserted his penis into her and they both had sexual intercourse, I do not see how she can still claim to be a virgin.

I hope I have answered your question.

Pastor