Brother thinks I killed our mother

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem. I am married and living with my husband. We have three children. Our home is not large. It is a two-bedroom house.

My mother was living alone, but she became ill and couldn't do much. I have two sisters and two brothers. We hired a helper to live in and to take care of our mother. After three months, the helper told us that she needed a break so we should get somebody else to share the work with her. We pay the helper $12,000 per week to work during the day and she got one of her sisters to work at nights. That cost us an additional $10,000.

The burden of paying the bills was left on my sister and I, because our brothers were always saying that they could not afford to pay two helpers. So the one who worked at nights stopped. My mother's health deteriorated and she died. One of my brothers, who hardly gave anything, started to pass remarks, and accused my sister and I of killing our mother because we wanted her house. He told everybody in the community that we were murderers. He gave very little by way of contribution to the funeral.

We bought a lovely casket for our mother and he did not give us a cent. On the day of the funeral he stayed outside and was drinking beers; he did not come into the church. His wife appealed to him to sit with the family, but he refused. I cried at the funeral, not just because we lost our mother, but because of my brother's behaviour. All he is interested in knowing is how much we are renting our mother's house for, and how much money our mother left in her account. I cannot believe that all of us came from my mother and we are so different.

My father passed away some years ago and left a piece of land for our dear brother who is making trouble. He has a beautiful wife, but he does not deserve her. She talks to us and she tells us not to give up on him. How can I forget that this man accused us of killing our mother?

D.W.

Dear D.W.,

Keep courage. Very often, family members make accusations and it is very difficult not to respond. You and your sister know that you tried your best to give your mother good care. Sometimes one caregiver is not enough, because that caregiver has to have breaks, and that is what you know from experience when the helper told you that the work was too heavy for her. I am getting to understand that it is very expensive to take care of the sick at home, but I congratulate you and your sister for doing your best.

This brother who is accusing you of killing your mother is behaving like a fool. He is senseless. He should be ashamed of himself, because he did very little to help your mother. Don't get into any argument with him. I hope your mother left a will. Whatever is in that document will stand, if it was properly written. If a will was written, make sure that the executor take steps to probate it. Live in peace with your siblings, including this wicked brother.

Pastor