Caught my husband sleeping with his ex

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you with tears in my eyes, and I hope you have time to read my letter and give me your advice. I was away, but I left my husband and my children at home.

My eldest daughter is 17; she can manage. My son is 13 and my younger daughter is seven. I went to seek a better life because my husband lost his job and things were rough with us. I stayed with my brother and his wife. I got a little job and most of what I made, I sent home. I did not waste my money.

Every time my husband spoke to me, he wanted to know when I was coming home. I thought he was honest and that he seriously wanted me back. Then my daughter started to say that she did not like how her father was behaving. Sometimes he did not sleep at the house. So I started to call him at certain times. But I called my daughter first and asked her if he was there. She didn't like when I called her after midnight, because she had to get up and peep into his room. But every time I called him, he would answer and say that he was in bed; but that was a lie. He was at his girlfriend's house. His girlfriend and I were good friends. It was a long-time thing, but when he and I got engaged, they broke up. I could not believe that as soon as I turned my back, this man went back to her.

I did not say a thing to him. I gave up my job and came to Jamaica and stayed at a friend's house. At about 11 p.m., my friend and her husband took me home. My husband was not there. So I begged them to take me to the girl's house. All the lights were off, but he was there. My friends decided that they would not leave me and said I should go home. I told them no. My husband and I would have to settle the matter right there.

I called him on his cellphone but he didn't answer. I called him three times before he answered, and I told him to come out of the girl's house. He was so shocked when he saw me. He wanted to know why I had to come there, and I wanted to know what he was doing there. His girlfriend came out and when she realises that it was me, she went back in. My friends took me back to my house. When my husband came home he could not explain himself.

I am here with this man not knowing what to do. My children say they do not want us to break up. But how can I continue to live with this man? It is hard. I don't know what to do. I cry every day. I told his sweetheart that she could have him. She said that she did not want him. How could she not want him now that I am at home? I want to hear what you have to say about this man and this relationship.

R.

Dear R.,

This woman told you that she didn't want your husband. She knows that she is lying. If she doesn't want him, she may be saying that she was helping out while you were away, but she did not intend for this relationship to be permanent. I don't get the impression that you are willing to give up your husband. If you were still away, he would be with the woman. I hope he did not use the money that you sent to him to help to support her.

If he is asking for your forgiveness, don't walk away. But at the same time, don't make it easy for him. He has to end the relationship with that woman; and both of you should see a family counsellor as early as possible.

Pastor