Husband won’t say that he loves me

Dear Pastor,

I am 50 years old. I am a regular reader of your column. Many years ago, my husband told me that he met you and that you were very unusual as a pastor.

I fell in love with you although I have never met you. My husband suffered a stroke and did not recover. I have had a few boyfriends from Jamaica. But I did not fancy any of them.

Finally, I met this young man in Negril and he captured my heart. He made me feel wanted. I visited Jamaica three times just to be with him. But he has never told me that he loves me. When I asked him if he loved me, he said he did not have to tell me in words but I should see that in the way he treated me.

NOT BADLY OFF

I met some of his relatives. But my friends told me that I should not trust him because he is younger than I am and he could use me just to come to America. I told him that I would move to Jamaica to be with him and I would not have to work because I am not badly off. But he did not agree. Looking back now, I am glad. We got married in Jamaica. He has two children and I had two with my former husband. I met the mothers of his children and they are my friends now. I try to help them because they are poor. I see to it that my husband supports his children the best way he can.

I have to watch my husband a lot because he loves women. He treats me well. He likes to cook so he does most of the cooking. He likes me to dress like a young girl so I have got into that now. Sometimes he puts on the Jamaican music and shows me how I should dance and 'throw up my bumper'. But we have lots of fun. I cannot give him another child. I told him we can adopt one but he is not in favour of that.

Why is it that he does not like to tell me that he loves me? Is that a Jamaican thing? I would love to hear.

M.B.

Dear M.B.,

Many Jamaican men do not like to say the words 'I love you'. In fact, some only say it when they believe that the woman will be convinced to go to bed with them.

I have used this illustration before and I will use it again. It is said that a woman asked her man 'Darling, do you love me?' and the man replied 'I have told you once, I have told you twice, if I change my mind, I will tell you'. In other words, don't ask me again.

My sister, though you may love for your husband to use the words 'I love you', if this man did not love you, he would tell you. But if he is still showing you great affection, he is running around for you, playing with your hair, showering with you or bathing you, touching you up, hugging you, playing with your breasts, kissing you on the neck and showing you great affection not only at home, but in public, then he loves you. If you are eating ice cream and popcorn together, staring at each other and doing lovely things for each other every day, the man loves you.

You may want to hear the words, but a man may says 'I love you' in words but does not show much appreciation. So don't worry, love your man. You can continue to tell him in words that you love him but hope that his actions will never change and that he will continue loving you.

Pastor