Sleeping with two men

Dear Pastor,

I am 18 and I have a problem. I am living with my mother and stepfather. I am not in school but I would like to go back. There is a man in my district who has always loved me.

I told my mother that he told me I could come to him for anything and she encouraged me to do it because he could afford it. So I have been taking money from him. Sometimes he gives me up to $20,000 if I want to buy shoes or a dress.

When I was 17, this man asked me for sex. I told him no because he was like a father to me. He said he was only testing me. Another time I wanted to visit one of my relatives. He said that he would buy the ticket and give me pocket money. For the first time, he told me that since I was holding out on him, he was not going to buy the ticket. I made up my mind to have sex with him. I went to his home but we did not even spend 10 minutes in bed before he discharged. I did not think that he would discharge so fast. He said he was too excited. The following day he gave me the money to buy the ticket and he withdrew US$1,000 from his account and gave it to me. I gave my mother US$200 and I spent two weeks with my cousin. I told her about this man and she said that I was lucky and I should stay with him because younger men don't give women that amount of money.

I have a boyfriend and he does not give me much. Sometimes I have to ask him if he does not realise that I have to tidy myself and to buy girls' stuff. Every time we meet, he wants to have sex. He said I should give him time and that things would change. Now I am having sex with him and this older man. I am going back to school in September and this man is helping me. My boyfriend is only making promises. I am not a bad girl. I never thought that I would have two men but I am forced to do it.

My stepfather has tried his best and my mother does higglering but sometimes she does not make much. I don't ask my boyfriend for help any more because he is always broke. Do you think that I should leave him and stay with this older man? This older man told me that he knows I have my boyfriend so he is not telling me to leave him, but I should make sure that he does not get me pregnant. I am asking you please to tell me what to do.

T.S.

Dear T.S.,

Your mother has encouraged you to develop a relationship with this older man. You did not give his age but I am assuming that he is a senior citizen.

He has supported you for many years. Your mother knew that she would get financial benefit from the relationship. But I doubt that your stepfather would have encouraged you. Your mother encourages you also because she is a gold digger. She is leading you down the wrong path. This man might insist that you have to leave the younger man and do whatever he says.

I hate to ask. When you have sex with this man, does he use the condom? I am not saying that you should have sex with him, but you have indicated that you had sex. Suppose this man impregnates you? And what about the younger man? Do you use protection with him? You are playing with fire and if you are not careful, you will get into trouble. Don't misunderstand me, you need help, but you may have to learn that whatever this older man is giving you will come with a cost. The younger man will curse you and behave as if you are the biggest cheater in town.

If this older man is married you should not continue to have an intimate relationship with him. If he is not married, you should have a very serious conversation with him and ask him what you should do about the present relationship with your boyfriend. He said that he is not telling you to leave him, but let him know that you cannot be with both of them.

Pastor