Want my boyfriend’s babymother to disappear

Dear Pastor,

I am 20 years old and I need your help. I am heading back to college, but I prefer not to go. I have been working and collecting my own money. I also met a man who I love. He is 25.

I have found myself wanting him every day. He told me that I am very bad. This man has a babymother. He told me that she doesn't have to know about our relationship. But I want her to know, because it is not right for him to have the both of us. He said that if I make it an issue, he will leave me because she was first. I thought this man loved me. But he said he also loves his child.

Whenever I go home at nights, my mind is on this man. He has taught me many things. He was the first man to bring me to an orgasm, although I have had sex with a number of guys.

The first time I reached orgasm, I shouted out his name. I couldn't believe that it was really happening to me, because other girls had told me that if I didn't reach orgasm, I was missing something in my relationship.

My boyfriend's babymother is 23. He is planning to send her back to school. I don't care about that. I just want him. I have told only my sister about him. She told me to be careful. This guy and I have tried not to have unprotected sex. But I told him that I would like to know how 'bareback' feels. He is not for that, because he said that he may get me pregnant and he cannot take care of another child now. Sometimes he is too careful. He said that I am bad and crazy.

What can I do to get this man to leave his babymother and come to me totally? I am going to tell him that I have written to you; and when you reply, I am going to show him what you have said.

S.T.

Dear S.T.,

Leave this young man alone. You have got involved with him and he told you the truth. He has a child with another woman and he does not want to destroy that relationship.

He wants to take care of his child, and you are going to bring lots of stress on him. He calls you crazy and, indeed, you are acting like a crazy person.

You are young, but your emotions are out of control. You have to learn to control yourself. You should not yield to your feelings every time. Take, for example, this crazy feeling that you have to have unprotected sex. This man knows that there is always a possibility for a woman to get pregnant if she has unprotected sex. So it is not something to yearn for. If you were married and this was your man and both of you were looking forward to having a child, that is something different. But right now you should be thinking of going back to school and keeping yourself under control. I hope that you will do that.

Pastor