Husband slept with teen in our house

Dear Pastor,

I am 42 years old and I read your column often. My husband is 45. We have worked hard to build a life. We have two children, one boy and a girl.

My husband had sex with my friend's daughter. The girl is the same age as my daughter. She came to spend time with our daughter. I would not say that the girl is a saint. She and my daughter were sharing the same room and the same bed. My husband was in the living room watching television. I became tired and went to bed. When my daughter woke up, she did not see her, so she went into the living room and it was there that she saw her father having sex with her 17-year-old friend.

My daughter told me what happened and I could not believe. My daughter said that when she saw what was happening she went back into her room. She later asked her friend why she was having sex with her dad and the girl said it was because he asked her several times during the day, so she took the chance.

This happened when I was in the house. If this man wanted sex, he could have come to me, but he went to the 17-year-old girl.

The girl begged my daughter not to tell me or her mother about the incident. However, after I became aware, I could not keep it. I spoke to the young girl and she said it was not the first time they were having sex. She said that she visited our house before and my husband had sex with her. He did not use a condom this time, so I was scared. I sent her to buy the Morning After Pill because I did not want to see her pregnant.

NO GOOD REASON

This girl is very bright. She is doing well in school. She is much brighter than my daughter. Why should she get involve with my husband? My husband has not been able to give me a good reason why he had sex with that girl. I do not want the young lady back into my house, and I had to apologize to my daughter for my carelessness. My daughter cried and said it was not my fault as she didn't expect her daddy to trouble her friend.

I have not told the girl's mother that my husband had sex with her daughter because I was afraid that the girl may say that he raped her. But it was not rape.

Did I do the right thing?

The mother might say that I am lying on her daughter. Every time I raise the matter, my husband says it is just one of those things.

E.

Dear E.,

I don't know what your husband means when he said "it was just one of those things". He is a worthless man. He has no shame.

This young woman was naive. She said it was not the first time your husband was having sex with her. When he asked her the very first time, she should have reported the matter to you. She likes your husband and although you have not said so, it is likely that he gave her money.

This girl embarrassed you and embarrassed your daughter. Although she is bright as you put it, she is not a good person for your daughter to associate herself with.

Concerning whether you should tell her mother about the incident, I would say that you should counsel this young woman the best way you can, but to avoid trouble, don't encourage her to come back to your house.

Pastor