Afraid someone will steal my boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am 16 years old and I am in high school. I have a boyfriend who is 19. We have been friends for two years, but he had another girlfriend who he used to call his sex partner. He had this sex partner in order to give me time to turn 16, so that I could consent to have sex with him.

Some of my friends laughed at me when I told them we had not started to have sex because he was afraid he would get into trouble, as I was underage. They told me that no one would know that we had sex unless I talked about it. He would give me money to help me to go to school, because my parents were not always in a position to give me.

DON'T WANT TO LOSE HIM

I have grown to love this man so much and I don't want to lose him. When I turned 16, I told my mother about him. She knew that I had other guys as friends, but she did not know that I was serious about this one. When I told my mother that he is my friend, she said that I should try not to bring any 'belly' in the house because my father would not put up with that. As soon as I became 16, I relaxed myself and gave him my virginity.

He said it was the third time he was having sex with a virgin, and he wants me to be the last. I thought I would bleed more, so he questioned about whether I am sure I never had sex before. It was my first time. We now have sex on a regular basis.

I would love to be a nurse. My boyfriend is attending university. He told me that he wants us to have our own home by the time he is 25. He worked with his uncle, who is a developer, and his uncle told him to make sure he takes good care of me because I seem to have ambition.

We had sex once without using the condom and I was very worried for weeks, because I know he could have got me pregnant.

Sometimes when I don't hear from my boyfriend I worry, because he is very handsome and I know other girls would take him away from me. He is earning good money and they want his money.

I am a poor girl, but I am trying to behave myself and not to get involved with any other man. The guys in my school respect me and some of them have asked me for sex, but I told them that I am not ready, and they believe me. Only a few of my close friends, who are girls, know that I have started to have sex.

My mother told me I should invite my boyfriend home because she wants to talk to him. I asked her what she wants to talk to him about and she said she wants to know whether he is serious about me, and she does not want him to spoil me. We have only made the mistake of not using protection once.

R

Dear R.,

Your boyfriend is young and intelligent. He could have persuaded you while you were younger to have sex with him. However, he was aware that under the age of 16, you could not consent. He did not take advantage of you. He helped you along financially and he waited patiently until you became 16 years old. I am, therefore, not surprised that you love this man very much, and that you wish to protect this relationship.

I am sure you would take the heed from your mother not to become pregnant. Your mother is not a fool. She knows that this man is giving you money, because perhaps what your father and herself are giving you cannot take you very far, and every girl needs extra things. Don't make the mistake of having unprotected sex again.

You know this young man is serious about you, but you should always remind yourself that you have a long way to go in school. So your priority should be on your studies. To become a nurse is your goal; work hard on that. Sometimes peer pressure can cause young people to do crazy things. Don't allow peer pressure to get in your way. Focus all the time on your future. Now, take the young man to meet with your mother officially. She wants to have a talk with him. Don't be worried about what she will say to him or ask him. He is intelligent and can handle himself.

Pastor