Found newborn and mother in my house

Dear Pastor,

I am 32 years old and I am married and living in the United States of America (USA). One weekend, I decided to give my husband a surprise visit. I took a taxi home from the airport. When I got there, he was not there, but a young girl with a baby was there. I asked her who she was and she told me she was my husband's babymother. It was the first time I was hearing that my husband had a babymother.

This was a young girl. I asked her how long she knew my husband and she told me about a year. This means that my husband has been fooling around with this girl from the time I left Jamaica. He wasn't careful, either, because he got her pregnant.

My husband and I have two children, who live with me in the USA. The plan was that I would go away, work and set up myself, and he would join us there.

Pastor, I turned fool when I saw the young baby and the girl. This girl is unemployed. Her English is so bad. The girl needs to go back to school. I couldn't stay at my house that night. I called one of my friends and she took me to a hotel. I refused to stay in the house while another woman was there.

A LOT OF QUESTIONS

The young girl called my husband and told him that a lady was there asking a lot of questions. He said the lady eventually told him that I was claiming to be his wife and that I was very upset. My husband called me and asked where I was and I told him I was in Jamaica. He said wherever I was, he was coming for me. I told him that he should not threaten me because the way I feel, I will destroy him. I asked him about the girl and he said he wanted to tell me about her for a long time now, but he didn't know how to do it.

He said that he made the biggest mistake of his life. According to him, he did not know the girl got pregnant. She had his phone number, but she lost it. He ran into somebody who knows the girl and the person told him that the girl is trying to find him. He gave the person his number to give the girl; by that time, she was already three months pregnant. He also said that he wanted the girl to put up the baby for adoption, because he did not want what happened to destroy his family. However, the girl didn't agree. The girl didn't stop until she found out where he was living and so when I saw her, it was the third time she was visiting our house.

I don't want to leave my man. I am ashamed of him, but we started as lovers from the time I was 16 years old. I went home and asked the girl many questions and found out that some of the things my husband told me were true. They really did not have an affair. It was a one-night stand. It is hard to forgive my husband, but it is harder to let him go, because this girl is going to get lots of what I have bought by hard work.

I don't know how you see it, but this is not the way I planned my life. A one-night stand has produced a girl baby. I have tried my best to tell the girl to give up the baby for adoption because my husband will soon leave Jamaica. She said that she will keep her baby until my husband goes away, and she would beg me to take the baby to give her a better life in America. Although she is not educated she talks sensibly.

I am asking for your advice, please.

Y.H.

Dear Y.H.,

I am so sorry to hear about your problem. I can understand how shocking it would be to come home and see a woman in your house with a baby. Moreover, for this woman to advise you that the father of the baby is your husband must have been quite unnerving. What a big shock! You went to the USA to work hard for your husband to join you there.

Your story reminds me of a woman I knew whose husband was in Jamaica and very active in the Church. She got the children up to the USA and they started living with her. When he retired from his work, he joined her in the USA, only to realize that she had made another life.

He was devastated, totally broken because he trusted his wife and the money he made in Jamaica, he sent to her. When he got there, there was no money, no family life, nothing whatsoever. Family and friends had to help him.

You decided to try the USA, and I can say that as a woman and the type of job that you do, you would do well. I am not going to mention the type of job you do. The situation that has confronted you with your husband is troubling. You said that the mother of the child is not well educated, but she knows enough about the USA to want her child to live there and to get a good education. So the question is, what are you going to do?

That child was fathered by your husband. He said it was a one-night stand. It is not for you, right now, to question whether it was a one-night stand or not. The child is here. Where is the mother going to live, or where is she living right now?

Let me tell you how I see it. If you don't want this marriage to be destroyed, you should compromise with your husband. What he did was totally wrong, but that's gone already. If the young lady could get a job, then she should contribute to supporting her child, but your husband has a moral obligation to do his part. As for you, I think you should see to it that he sends that young woman money to support the child.

She said she is not giving up her child for adoption. Nobody, therefore, should try to force her to do so. I am sorry for what has happened. If your husband was having a one-night stand he should have protected himself and the young woman. He is a careless man, extremely careless. Try to help this young woman and the baby, please. Love you all.

Pastor